Trashy Kids

 The box is 16" by 18" by 18." It was a produce box, and it's almost as heavy now as it was when it arrived full of apples, oranges, greens, bananas, and squash.

It's packed with trash, all of it from Owen and Felix's room. Maybe it isn't surprising that a six year old and three year old boy could generate an enormous box of trash, but take into account the time frame--this is only thirteen days worth of trash. I set an alarm on my phone to go off every two weeks reminding me--urging me--to clean their room. And every two weeks I think to myself, "How did it get this bad this quickly?"

I couldn't see any floor two days ago. It was completely covered, with nowhere to step. So I set up James and Owen with their schoolbooks on Owen's bed yesterday morning and sorted out LEGOs from matchbox cars, all the while putting books back on bookshelves while coaching them through their Friday morning lessons. And I set out a cardboard box for trash. A big cardboard box. A cardboard box that shouldn't be this heavy.

Here's what they trashed in two weeks:

Two boxes of kleenex. They didn't use any of the kleenex, they just pulled them all out of the boxes.

4 pairs of socks with new holes in them, plus 7 mismatched socks that I couldn't find partners for under beds and dressers

Nail polish strips that someone sent to Julie and they apparently ripped open.

Three broken toy cars/tractors

Two sketch notebooks full of random crayon scribbles.

Peeled and broken crayons.

The covers to three different Calvin and Hobbes anthologies, ripped off and scribbled on.

A brass spyglass, pulled into three different pieces.

A nameplate that said Felix but only had the F and E letters left.

Bits of a picture frame that had pictures of Owen and James in it. I never found the glass. 

Two homemade masks with the earpieces pulled off.

A mostly intact deck of Rummy cards that someone gave me for Christmas. Apparently it ended up in a pile of their stuff, and they spread the cards over the entire corner of the room. I think a relative gave it to me for Christmas this year, and I'm sorry to whoever it was. I never ended up playing it. When I saw how chewed up the cards already were and figured we were already missing a couple I just pitched it all.

A decapitated fox stuffed animal with bits of the stuffing coming out of the top.

Three gingerbread house crafts. (Not actual gingerbread)

A disturbing number of large cotton tufts. Maybe from medical cottonballs?

A battery powered bubble fan that doesn't work anymore.

A ball and trap game with the string snapped.

A perfectly functioning train whistle that I just don't want in my house anymore.

A happy-meal Avengers doll with one arm missing.

Six broken pieces of a T-Rex skeleton

The bucket end of a bulldozer. (The whereabouts of the rest of the bulldozer remain unknown.)

A wooden "treasure box" that had its hinges snapped off.

4 or 5 old band-aids. (These were always under beds)

The top stem of a pumpkin. (The whereabouts of the rest of the pumpkin remain unknown.)

4 or 5 painted rocks

Several Christmas ornaments that didn't get packed up.

A Star Wars book in three pieces that used to make sound effects when you pressed a button but now only croaks static.

Two additional cardboard produce boxes and a duplo box, thrown out separately.

Boys, if either of you are reading this thirty years from now and are just now realizing what TRULY happened to your favorite ever thing that I just threw out just have your therapist bill me directly.

BONUS:

Felix, in the middle of unsuccessful potty training efforts, upon asked what WOULD get him to put his business in the potty.

"I fink I need money."

"You need money to go in the potty?"

"Yeah, I need abou' sixty dowwars."