Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Owen and Felix's Plan

Owen and Felix have hatched a plan. They are going to wait until James and J and I are all out of the house, and then they are going to slam the doors shut and lock us out.

The first thing they are going to do is to eat all of the ice cream in the freezer.

They are also planning on taking all of James' toys and moving into our bedroom. (They will take turns sharing the grown-up bed.)

They are waiting to put the plan in motion until Owen is a little better at reading. (He's concerned about being able to read the recipes in the kitchen.)

He tells me not to worry. Every once in a while he will throw some food out the window for us.

They will take a lot of things that belong to us. "But probably we'll let you camp outside just for where you're sleeping."

And probably a blanket and some pillows.

Owen and Felix call it their "deal." They are still planning on taking baths every day. But sometimes they won't change their clothes.

For money they will take James' wallet and get the money from there. They will eventually start paying for more money once they are grown-ups.

They will probably clean up for a chore when the house gets messy.

They will eat apples for lunch.

They will stay up late and watch TV. They will watch movies like the ones that they like that are NOT Return of the Jedi. (The Emperor is too scary.)

Owen says that he will put underwear on Felix so he doesn't have to do diapers. If he poops in them, he'll wash them out with water. Maybe some soap if it's extra stinky.

They will skip school every day and throw Owen's schoolbooks outside except for the one that has animal pictures. They'll cut out all the pictures that they like with scissors.

They will get the dump trucks back out from the basement. And also wrapping paper (just to play with) and the dead bird skeleton. They will pick it up in a bag and discover the bird bones. And they will play hockey in the living room.

They will steal our phones and send funny emojis to Ivy Hamway.

There will be so much dessert. They will buy so much that they can never run out.

They will cut the high-chair in half and Felix will never have to sit in it again.

Owen will teach Felix how to drive the car.

They will touch lamps and no one will yell at them. Also, they will take down the wall art and play with it.

When they get tired they will play with stuffed animals and howl out the window.

They will do a lot of things that they can't do now.


Friday, March 27, 2020

Meet the Friends (Felix)

Who is your friend?
A: His name is Big George. And then a Baby George cried out in my bed, and the bad guy climbed in my bed. Very sad. He somebody good guy a happening a him. And wha happen a him? He shoot at him, he got a lightsaber. He not be carefully fell down. Big George actually seed and got the bad guy out of his bed. But Big George taked him helmet off. That's why it cut. I done now.

So you watched Return of the Jedi last night?
A: <singing Star Wars>

What does Big George like to eat?
A: Some banana. With Owen's sink. And Big George eat some gunsel. I ha' a go get Baby George.

Tell me about Baby George.
A: Baby George is actually a George in my bed.

Where did he come from?
A: In my bed.
Owen: No, Mama got him from Disney World.

I'm pretty that Nama gave you Baby George when you were a baby.
A: I actually need a put Baby George in my bed a couple a minutes.

Who's next?
A: I need a move them in Owen's room. Baby Owl doing downward doggy.

What does Baby Owl like to eat?
Owen: Owls eat mice. And grass. They're both harborvores.

This is Felix's interview.
Owen: <mimicking> This is Felix's interview.

Who is next?
A: Big George again. Big George actually throw some shoe.

How old is Big George?
A: Two with me.

What do your friends like to do in your crib?
A: I'nt know. Them like a play kindergarten. <Owl makes a monkey noise> Baby Owl can eat something. And Big George do. Mickey Mouse actually cute. Shh!! He actually fly. <flying noise> Actually he going around and fly again. And pulled this.

What about this guy?
A: That guy. Yeah, his name Corduroy.

What about your snake?
A: His name is snake.

Were you sad when Big George was missing at Mommy's church for a couple of days?
A: Yeah. Him missing me. And I didn't found him. I am actually had James' George.

Are you so glad he's back?
A: Yeah.

What are you and friends going to do for the rest of the day?
A: Playing football.

Meet the Friends (Owen)

Owen, who is your first stuffed animal?
A: Him <pointing>

Does he have a name?
A: Yes, his name is Little Tiger.

Where did he come from?
A: I traded from Felix's room. I traded my balloon for Little Tiger.

So that's the Tiger that I brought back for Felix from Poland? That is Felix's.
A: Yes, he gave it to me. And now it's my favorite stuffed animal. He's so cuddly.

What does he like to eat?
A: Just meat. Fish. Bears love fish.

Who is next, and what is their story?
A: Pooky! James got a Eagles bear Pooky, it was wearing a brown shirt. And I yanked for a Pooky. I wanted to get a Patriots Pooky and throw the shirt off in the basement or in the trash. I got a Pittsburgh Pooky.

What are some of Pooky's favorite things to do?
A: Cuddle me, play a lot of football.

What's special about Pooky?
A: Bugs, berries, and fish are what he likes to eat. And he has a black belt in karate. From Garfield. I like to say that.

Who is your next friend and what makes them special?
A: Stripe!

So you have a Tiger named Stripe too? What makes your Stripe different than James?
A: Because he's a white tiger, that's why. He can dive into anything. Even big tidal waves. Tigers love to swim. Even in mud puddles.

Is Stripe friends with all your other stuffed animals, or does he try to eat them?
A: Oh. He can't eat his friends. He's friends with my others.

Who is that slithery fellow and where did he come from?
A: He's my next favorite. Spot the snake. But you can just name him Spot. He's from the Rochester Museum and Sciences Center. From the gift shop. He was hanging up by neck, so he couldn't breathe. I picked him out because I wanted to get a shiny one that has big eyes like Spot. I saw a Tiger Snake, but I didn't want to get it. I got Spot because he's the closest one to a rainbow one with big eyes. <Spot voice> "Look into my eyes!!!"

Who is next and what can you tell me about them?
A: Swan. I got him from Barnes and Noble. And a Cars pack which I have. I didn't buy anything for someone. He can shed. Duck hair, duck hair for everyone!

I thought he was a swan? And that he is a she? And that her name is Gloria?
A: No, he's a he.

How can you tell?
A: I just named him a he.

Okay, anyone else?
A: Yes, Uncle Feather. He has a very short story. I found him lying in the closet for two times.

Isn't Uncle Feather the oiseau francais that we brought back from our Paris trip?
A: Yes. I lost him twice. I also lost my cheetah twice. And Snort twice. All in the closet. Felix's closet.


Meet the Friends (James)

Who is your first stuffed animal friend?
A: Pooky, he's a bear.

And what is special about Pooky?
A: He wears an Eagles shirt.

How did you meet Pooky?
A: I saw him on a shelf with some other Pookies at Wegmans. And I eventually got him. He was the last one, surrounded by Patriots bears.

How old is Pooky?
A: Three. I've actually had him for one year, but he is three years old.

And what does Pooky like to eat?
A: Bugs, berries, and fish

Who's next?
A: Stripe. Stripe is a tiger.

What's special about Stripe, and how did you get him?
A: He's a tiger, and tigers are my favorite animals. Mommy gave him to me as a gift from Animal Kingdom.

How old is Stripe?
A: He is 12.

And how would you describe his personality?
A: Stripe has a family and he wants to stay here so he won't get killed by poachers.

Who is your next friend, and what is special about them?
A: Rose. Rose is also a tiger, and she's very nice. She's the wife of Stripe.

Where did Rose come from?
A: Washington D.C., at the Smithsonian gift shop.

What are some of Rose's favorite things to do?
A: Run around, pounce, and hug.

And is there anyone else in Stripe and Rose's family?
A: Yes, their two kids. Hobbes is my first tiger and he comes from Nama's house. And Tiger Ribbon was a gift from Alexa.

How are Hobbes and Tiger Ribbon similar and different?
A: Hobbes surprisingly (which is odd) has yellow stripes instead of odd and Tiger Ribbon is always wearing a ribbon on the back of her neck.

Does your Tiger family have any special clubs or games that they like to do?
A: No. But if I knew how to play it I'd teach them how to play "Touch the Udder" from Garfield. I have no idea how to play it, but it's a game that Jon and Doc Boy play when they visit at the farm.

Do you have any other friends you'd like to introduce?
A. George and Steven are the oldest in my bed. They've been with me for a long time and often helped me.

Do you remember where they came from and what some of your best adventures with them were?
A. I can't remember most of the adventures and I could explain how I got them but that would take a little while.

We're in quarantine, so we have a little while. Explain away.
A: Steven came in a package and George came from Barnes and Noble. We used to go around together all the time. We would play games and have races. We had fun.

I don't see you carry them around much anymore, but you were pretty upset when Felix needed to borrow your George for a night when his was lost. How did that make you feel?
A: Not so good when Felix had to borrow him, but I knew that he needed him. At least I had Pooky.

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

J/O/F Daily Quarantine Schedule

8 AM-Wake up. Talk over the plan (no screen time today) with parents. Come downstairs for breakfast

8:15 Breakfast

8:30 Bring armfuls of stuffed animals and matchbox cars downstairs. Spread them out over the surface of the living room in some way that they are likely to be stepped on. Turn on every light in the house, including the basement.

8:45 School for James and Owen.This is usually Felix's time to either turn loud music on the google speaker or to go upstairs and get into prized possessions of his older brothers.

9:45 James still doing school. Owen and Felix banging on the piano indiscriminately with the volume turned all the way up

10:00 Ten minutes of shouting

10:10 James still doing school. Owen and Felix dump an entire box of crayons out on the living room floor

10:15 Time to start begging for a snack. Dump truck races

10:30 AM School done. Get the wooden swords out.

10:40 Put the wooden swords away, get band-aids out. Time for debate and argument practice.

11:00 More snack begging. (Totally famished.) Slam all open door shut repeatedly.

11:15 Ten more minutes of shouting

11:30 Start spreading around parental possessions. (Coffee cups, phones, laptops, important documents)

11:45 Most intense food begging yet

12:00 Lunch. Complain about what's being served, spread it around/under the table. Eat some only under threat/bribery

12:20 Complain about being hungry

12:30 Outside playtime. Spread outside toys evenly across the yard and partially into neighboring yards

1:30 Naptime. (Percussion ensemble)

3:00 Snacktime. Complain about being starving.

3:15 PM School for James. Shouting match time for Owen and Felix

3:45 Start check-ins on the status of dinner. Change clothes for no apparent reason.

4:00-5:00 James' PM school done. 1 hr of sheer chaos

5:00 Change Felix's outfit, band-aids, unplug the google home speaker; dinner begging

5:15 Dinnertime. Complain about what's being served, spread it around/under the table. Eat some only under threat/bribery.

5:50 Screentime. Battle royale to determine which movie.

7:50 Bedtime stories, bottle, teeth brushing

8:00 1/2 hour of silent reading or optional nighttime percussion ensemble.

8:30 James telling on Owen for not turning out his reading light

8:45 James telling on Owen for keeping him awake by talking

9:00 James telling on Owen for keeping him awake by talking

9:15 Owen telling on James for not listening to him talk

9:30 Multiple trips to the bathroom for extra percussion ensemble practice

10:00 Felix wakes up and won't fall asleep again without sporting equipment in his bed.

Saturday, March 21, 2020

Turns of Speech

James: "I don't want to eat my breakfast because it looks like a bowl of colorless, tasteless sludge."
"Owen is being QUITE difficult."

"This is very peculiar, isn't it?"
Me: "What's peculiar?"
"I was talking to Hobbes."


Owen <watching the final act of The Last Jedi and seeing Princess Leia enter the scene>
"Who's that? Is that Obi-wan Kenobi?"
Me: "No, that's Princess Leia."
"It doesn't look like her."
Me: "Well, she's much older now."
"Yeah, she sure looks different than she did in Return of the Jedi."
<Luke Skywalker enters>
"Great. Now they're probably going to start kissing."
Felix: "They should kiss."

Felix has developed a recurring enclitic. He tacks on the word "ago" to the end of every sentence whether it makes sense or not. Samples:
"My Big George got mud on hisself ago."
"I need a soccer ball in my crib when I do bedtime ago."
"This tent is from Critmit (Chrismas) ago."
"Why you drink your coffee on the floor ago?"

Saturday, March 14, 2020

10 Questions with J

1) How has the coronavirus affected you and changed your life the for the next stretch?
A) Well, most of my paid work has been affected. Church has cancelled in-person services for at least the next three weeks. I just got back from my first recording session for a service. We're trying to figure out what tech we have and what we need to purchase. There are lots of questions about how and what we're going to record, and are we even going to be able to keep meeting in the church. We might not be able to even meet at the church in the next few days. The community music school is shut down through Easter, so I won't have any Monday evening rehearsals for the forseeable future, and I'm trying to figure out whether I should teach my private students here, through Skype, or not at all. Also, grocery shopping this morning was horrific. I was there at my normal time (9 AM) and there was a line halfway through the parking lot. When I got into the store I went straight to the toilet paper aisle (not for hoarding, we legit needed it) and they were down to the last three packages. They were out in three minutes. I discovered how it pays to know where everything was located. I got what I needed while those unfamiliar with the layout were figuring out where everything was. It was crazy.

2) What should we do with our Sunday morning at home in quarantine?
A) We are going to sleep in. We are going to have leisurely coffee (perhaps with an Irish splash) and attempt a fancy brunch dish (eggs benedict) as something different and fun. Owen and I will continue working on the puzzle we started today. I expect there'll be a lot of book reading, game playing, and possibly a movie.

N.B. J is such a better interviewee than the kids

3) What have you been reading recently, and what do you recommend?
A) I'm currently reading Grisham's The Rainmaker (which is a re-read), but I've been enjoying re-reading and am finding the only way I can stay focused on a book recently is to pick something up that doesn't require much mental effort. I recently finished Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come, which was a real-life shintrovert's year of trying new/scary/extroverted things. It was hilarious, it was insightful, and one couldn't help but note the irony of reading such horribly frightening anecdotes while being snuggled under a blanket with a mug of tea. With the quarantine I expect that it's going to be a record-breaking month for my book club.

4) Something that's made you sad and something that's made you happy in the last week?
A) I was happy with our date last night. Wonderful food, really good company, and it was comforting to know we can have good fellowship and food when we're stuck in our house. We've been practicing at that for a while. Sad? The realization that there's no way they're going to hold the Olympics this summer. Can/will Simone Biles hold out for at least one more year to claim all of the gold that is rightfully hers?

5) Favorite things you've eaten recently?
A) Date night in, obviously. Especially the pasta. (Bucatini al pepe) Also the Moroccan salmon and homemade pizza using my new most favorite pizza dough recipe.d

Interruption from James:
I just happened to start a new company <Felix is actively kicking him> called Wild Tiger Safe HEY GIVE US BACK THAT PILLOW <Felix runs off with the pillow and stuffed animals he dragged into the kitchen.> It's supposed to be a company that will save tigers. Owen says a good way to save tigers is to kill the poachers. That is not a very good way. We will have new ideas to help save them. But on the other hand, I guess we have some work to do.

6) You've been working with Owen very closely on his school recently. How's that going?
A) Overall, I think really well. I think he benefits from the one-on-one. I've been really pleased with how his reading seems to be improving even though we haven't spent much time working on it directly. He seems to be absorbing the skills and concepts on his own. He has good days and bad days as far as wanting to get started, but once he makes up his mind to do it he's quick as a whip at mastering the concepts and completing the work.

7) We've not seen much of our extended family recently, and who knows what the next few weeks will hold. Any bright ideas about things you'd like to do with them once we see each other again?
A) It will just be good to sit and chat and hear everyone's stories about what they've been up to. I'm sure we'll all have news.

8) It's getting warmer. What are you looking forward to doing in the great outdoors?
A) Reading outside, family hikes, letting the kids be able to burn off steam by running in the backyard. Potentially doing some outside running, though family runs have become less enjoyable.
What about in Florida, assuming you still get to go?
A) I'm trying not to get my hopes too high. I want to go the beach in Florida, and wear shorts. I want to eat ice cream outside and gab and gab and gab with my two best friends.

9) Current favorite things to do with James, Owen, and Felix?
A) James is really getting old enough to have some grown-up conversations and to think through things, which is amazing and scary and nice all at the same time. I also enjoy watching movies every now and then with James, because he doesn't ask me every two minutes what's going on.
School has been great with Owen. He's always up for playing a game, which the other two (really three) are not so much into doing. I like going grocery shopping with Felix--he's very cute and he keeps up an excellent commentary of what we're doing. And reading him stories. And brushing his teeth. We sing the ABCs while I brush his teeth, and then we sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame while he brushes his teeth. (And we take the last note up a fifth)

10) You have a big Barnes and Noble gift card. What do you get?
A) Rachel Denhollander, What Is a Girl Worth. And cookbooks. And a new puzzle. Because we have a lot of time for puzzles right now.

10) How would you spend a

10 Questions with Felix

A: I got my football. And my baketball. And my boot. And my Big George.

1) Are people sick?
A: Nope
What's the coronavirus?
A: I'dnt know. Coronavirus go upstairs. And it go down and up and sit in the froggy potty.

2) What did we find in your hair?
A: A tick.
What was it doing there?
A: I'nt know. We going a run but it too cool out there. It too cold. My blogging.

3) What makes you happy?
A: My hair. And a bath.

4) Why are you biting your boot?
A: <giggles> Yeah, it taste yummy.

5) What do you want for dinner?
A: Ice cream. Ice cream. Ice cream. Ice cream. Oh cream. Ah cream.

6) What's your favorite song?
A: Baby Shark. Let's do Baby Shark.

7) Who do you love at church? Big Meredith?
A: Yeah, Big Meredith. And Miss Anne.

8) What's your favorite thing about Mommy?
A: We got outside and play football.

9) What's your favorite thing about Owen?
A: Play football while riding in a dump truck.

10) What does James do?
A: Play football with this brown football

10 Questions with Owen

1) What do you know about the coronavirus, and what do you think about all the changes we've had over the past few days?
A: What I know about the coronavirus is a lot of things. That it can make you sick and die, and you don't know if for four days when you have it. That's all I know about the virus.
What about the changes from the past few days?
A: That we've been having more baths more recently. That Mommy is getting prettier each day. That's all.

2) What should we do when we are all home together tomorrow morning on a Sunday?
A: Have a good breakfast and have a good day. And watch a movie during night.

3) Tell me about what we've been doing with LEGOs up in your room recently?
A: We've been sorting them and making them into ships. Fleets, that is. We have color fleets. Red is my fleet. White is Felix's fleet. And black is James' fleet. Felix doesn't really take good care of the ships. The rest of the ships are for everybody.

4) What's something that's made you very sad recently, and what's something that's made you very happy recently?
A: Let's see. The sad thing is that James and his stuffed animals and him didn't want kisses. They thought that would spread the 'ronavirus. The happy thing is that Felix isn't getting in my bed often.

5) Why don't you ever want a sandwich for lunch, and is there a type of food that you would want to eat every day?
A: Chicken Charlie pizza. I don't think sandwiches are very good.
Not any type of sandwich? Not grilled cheese, or tunafish, or peanut butter and jelly?
A: I like some kinds.
Which kinds?
A: Like, ham and cheese. Plain mustard. Once we had a babysitter, and guess how many mustard sandwiches I ate? FIVE.

6) What's the most important thing you've learned in school this year, and what do you think you'll learn next year in first grade?
A: Just math, writing, and all that old stuff.

7) What do you want to do with each of our cousins the next time we see them?
A: Play with them. Play things they like.

8) Tell me about why you were at the hospital on Friday morning?
A: I grew past the almonds, watched a movie, got to play some games. The thing while I watched the movie, I outgrowed almonds, so I can have them. And that now I can have almond butter on my sandwiches. Which would be pretty good.
You want to try an almond butter and jelly sandwich soon?
A: Sure!

9) What's your favorite thing about Mommy, your favorite thing about James, and your favorite thing about Felix?
A: My favorite about Felix is that he's cute. My favorite thing about Mommy is that she's SO snuggly. About James that he is my brother.

10) If you could pick out 20 books from Barnes and Noble, what would they be?
A: I would buy some stuff at the train center.
Books, though.
A: I would get some Garfield books. If they were out of Garfield books I would pick out some books that I like, like Calvin and Hobbes.
We already own all of those.
A: Just a couple Calvin and Hobbes that we don't have.

10 Questions with James

1) What do you know about the coronavirus, and what do you think about all the changes over the past few days?
A: I know that coronavirus spreads quickly and church has been cancelled.

2) What should we do with our Sunday at home in quarantine?
A: Have a movie night.
What should we watch?
A: We should watch...I don't know. Watch Star Wars.

3) You've been reading a lot of books recently to earn a Chicken Charlie pizza. Which have been your favorites and why?
A: Tonight on the Titanic, because I like the Titanic.

4) What's something that's made you feel very sad recently, and what's something that has made you feel very happy recently?
A: The happy thing is that we have a nice place to live, and the sad thing is that Felix keeps getting up into my bed and throwing my things down.
He hit you right in the head recently with a book.
A: Yeah.

5) Why do you like cheese and mustard sandwiches so much, and do you think you'll ever have another food that you want to eat every single day?
A: I don't know what I'll have in the future, but I like them because they taste good.

6) What's the most important thing you've learned in school this year, and what do you think you'll want to work on in fourth grade?
A: Fun things to spell. It's important to spell things correctly with capitalization. I'd like to work in fourth grade on spelling.

7) We miss our cousins. What would you want to do with each of your cousins the next time we see them?
A: Play awhile. Play ball.

8) The weather has been warmer. What are your plans for when we can go outside every day?
A: Play sports.
Which ones?
A: Football.

9) What is your favorite thing about Mommy, your favorite thing about Owen, and your favorite thing about Felix?
A: Felix is playful. I like Mommy because she's nice, and I like Owen because he's my brother.

10) If you could pick out 20 new books from Barnes and Noble, what would you get?
A: Calvin and Hobbes.
That's about 7. 13 more.
A: 13 Garfield books.
What if they were out of Garfield.
A: Titanic

Saturday, March 7, 2020

Something Odd

Something odd has been happening as our kids have grown.

I see J now. Not just occasionally, but multiple times per day. And when I see her, it's often alone. The kids will be awake and in the house, but not clamoring outright for one/both of us to pay attention. Even more strangely, we will have both slept through the previous night.

It's been about eight years since we've had these sorts of interactions, so it feels unfamiliar.

The kids still interrupt regularly. (If not directly than with some sort of smashing/spilling/breaking noise from upstairs that needs to be checked on). And Felix regularly wails out in the middle of the night that "DADDEEEE....I NEE'A WOKINNAWOKKY-CHAIR!" (I need a rock in the rocking-chair)

But there is still no doubt that we are gradually seeing more of each other, and that we are more awake than we have been in several years. Here are some of the nice things that you can do with your spouse.

-Read in bed before falling asleep
-Chat in the kitchen while working on making dinner together
-Pick up all the pillows and blankets on the floor and put them back onto the furniture where they are supposed to go, and then sit on the actual furniture
-Play duets
-Have cup of coffee in the sunbeam that comes in through the front window

The really luxurious thing about all of this is that it works while still also doing the things that need to be taken care of, but have to be done alone. (Trading runs on the treadmill, practicing, answering work emails, etc.)

The downside to leaving the kids to their own devices upstairs is that a lot of stuff gets broken. I was at Lowe's a few days ago with a full cart, and as I rang up each item I realized that my entire basket was replacements of things that Owen had broken over the previous month. (One 35" mini-blind--kicking, one 28" mini-blind--climbing, one shower slip bar--climbing and hanging, one custom reading light bulb--yanking and throwing, etc...)

At this point I'm inclined to sacrifice the mini-blinds for my wife's company.