So, we're doing Valentine's Day today in the Smith house. I'm sure we'll see plenty of cynicism tomorrow about how Valentine's Day is a fiction of the massive floral-industrial complex, or how it's absurd for couples to spend one particular day in February pretending they're more attracted to one another than usual. There will also be lots of soupy goo on facebook, and a great deal of noise in every direction.
But really, it is an extraordinary thing to be married to a woman. And here are 100 extraordinary things about being married to J:
1)
Really good at doing math in her head, and she
knows how to do fancy calculus stuff
2)
Makes delicious homemade pizza every Friday
3)
Wants to be a stay at home Mom with James
4)
Cleans the bathroom, which is my least favorite
chore by far
5)
Doesn’t get all weepy about little things
6)
Knows as much or more about football than most
men
7)
Shares my dislike for professional basketball
8)
Always lets me drive on long trips, which is way
more interesting than waiting around in the passenger seat
9)
Reads books
10)
Doesn’t vegetate in front of the television
screen for hours every night
11)
Uses correct punctuation, capitalization, and
grammar when texting
12)
Has luxurious curly hair
13)
Is a graceful and natural dancer
14)
Eats healthy without needing to be a vegetarian
15)
Stays active without being a perpetually sweaty
gym rat
16)
Pronounces the words “probably” and “February”
correctly
17)
Is endlessly patient with her very two
two-year-old son
18)
Did the dishes ungrudgingly for seven years
before we moved into a place with a dishwasher
19)
Always errs on the side of caution when spending
money
20)
Has an M.M. degree from a major university
21)
Graduated with said degree without incurring any
additional debt
22)
Has an uncanny ability for accurate first
impressions of people
23)
Knows and behaves with social graces I am
oblivious to
24)
Can play the Hindemith and Halsey Stevens
sonatas
25)
Doesn’t listen to pop music, or if she does it’s
when I’m not around
26)
Can pronounce frightening-looking German words
correctly
27)
Appreciates a good glass of wine
28)
Boobs
29)
Looks good in almost any style of sunglasses
30)
Dresses our son in weather-appropriate matching
clothes
31)
Feeds our son healthy and interesting meals
32)
Loves rest and relaxation
33)
Has huge gorgeous eyes
34)
Is a simply extraordinary flute player
35)
Routinely saves me from conversations that I am
tactlessly blundering
36)
Remembers the names of my coworkers and
semi-distant relations better than I do
37)
Always knows what time it is within ten minutes,
even if she hasn’t seen a clock in hours
38)
Always knows what the weather will be for the
day
39)
Knows that she doesn’t know everything, and
doesn’t pretend to know the things she doesn’t know
40)
Came with great in-laws for me
41)
Gave birth to a conspicuously handsome boy
42)
Is absolutely adored by her son
43)
Is more fun to travel with than anyone else I
know
44)
Still is sort of surprised to find out that
people think she’s pretty
45)
Is deeply beloved by her friends
46)
Is fiercely loyal to her friends, teachers, and
family
47)
Has bucked every homeschooling stereotype there
is
48)
Is a responsible and self-directed employee
49)
Has a unique gift for thinking through the
details of event planning
50)
Is an expressive and gifted writer
51)
Is able to see herself and the world both
lightly and seriously
52)
Is my most trusted proofreader
53)
Remembers which months have 30 and which months
have 31 days
54)
Is a great conductor
55)
Is an excellent private teacher
56)
Can sight-read anything
57)
Was a great student and always loved by her
teachers
58)
Loves my family like her own
59)
Can shoot a basketball very accurately
60)
Is a better baseball player than me
61)
Is almost as good as me in ping pong
62)
Is not afraid of getting dirty or sweaty if
there is work to be done
63)
Understands and regularly uses analogies and
jokes from Harry Potter
64)
Only ever dated me
65)
Can read children’s books upside down
66)
Can wrap presents perfectly neatly
67)
Can write in cursive
68)
Has converted to sacred order of the carafe
(become a coffee drinker) since marrying me
69)
Can read my handwriting
70)
Has listened to the Ballerina Dance, Promenade,
and Mahler 5 more times than any human being should ever suffer
71)
Knows the names of medicines and what they do
72)
Doesn’t get frustrated and whiny about having to
fill out paperwork
73)
Knows how to do drywall, roofing, and flooring
74)
Cuts my hair
75)
Is the person I laugh with more than anyone else
76)
Understands and enjoys playing poker
77)
Is genuinely happy for the success of others
78)
Is extraordinarily tough, as evidenced by the 77
hour delivery of James
79)
Doesn’t have weird beliefs about vaccines, the
moon landing, or soybeans
80)
Knows the order and random trivia of all the
Presidents
81)
Was an all-star softball player
82)
Sings really tight harmonies by ear
83)
Knows the name of every variation of every color
84)
Can do all sorts of crazy flexible yoga
positions
85)
Prefers to be outside when the weather is warm
86)
Fights fair when we have disagreements
87)
Folds the laundry very neatly
88)
Manufactures dishwasher space when I thought it
was full six plates ago
89)
Graduated from the honors program summa cum
laude in undergrad
90)
Regularly wears and looks amazing in leggings
91)
Roots against the Patriots at every opportunity
92)
Uses humorous Pennsylvanianisms, such as “hot
dog!” and “gee whillikers!”
93)
Uses facebook judiciously and tactfully
94)
Steps on my back when it’s all messed up or
tweaked
95)
Doesn’t flail, jolt, or snore when she sleeps
96)
Makes healthy food taste interesting
97)
Irons clothes flawlessly, even when they’ve been
crumpled up in the bottom of a gig bag for a month
98)
Has called me to save me from entrapping
conversations
99)
Introduced me to Dutch Blitz
100) Is really, really, stunningly pretty
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