James' Toys

Hello! My name is James D. Bear, and I am almost two years old. I have many beloved toys, and I like to use them in very specific ways and places--woe betide the parent who tries to use a toy in a way that I don't like. Here are some of my favorites:

Red plastic baseball bat

This is my FAVORITE toy and no one is allowed to play with it except for me. The nice-but-scary neighbor man gave it to my Daddy for me to use. I mostly use it for my game of hitting balls that are lying on the ground, but I also use can slide it behind the couch or under the bushes when one of my balls is lost. It makes a funny sound when I drag it on the sidewalk, and Daddy and Mommy always hold it by the wrong end. (It ought to be held by the heavy end.) Mommy and Daddy tell me that I can't use it to hit people, but sometimes I really want to hit them with it to see what happens.

Trucks puzzle

This is my FAVORITE toy and no one else is allowed to play with it except when I get to the helicopter piece, because I can't get that one in by myself. I am SO GOOD at solving puzzles, and everyone claps for me when I put the pieces in the right way. Except sometimes I am very sad because I do not know where the police car piece has gone. I ask Daddy, and he doesn't know either. I am very good at solving puzzles.

Racquetball racquets

These are my FAVORITE toys and no one is allowed to play with them except me. And besides, Mommy and Daddy use them wrong anyway. They think you can only use the racquets to hit balls. The racquets give me super powers, which is why I always push them on the ground in front of me. I like to hit things with them, and my favorite is to dig up driveway gravel with a racquet in each hand. When I look through the racquet netting everything is funny looking, and they are also good to stand on.

Bodran drum

This is my FAVORITE toy and no one is allowed to play with it unless I have a better and louder drum to bang on. Every morning when I get up the first thing I do is to pull my bodran drum out of my toy box and bang on it as loud as I can, whether anyone is sleeping or not. I am a great drummer and I play very good music, so everyone always claps for me. Sometimes Daddy yells at me because I stand on the drum to look out the window.

Duplos

I have a big box of duplos, but there are only two that are worth anything--kitty duplo and doggy duplo. I want my own real kitty and doggy so VERY badly, but Mommy and Daddy always say no. Sometimes I have friends over to play and they want to play with my duplos, and then I must have every single duplo and no one else is allowed to touch any of them. Best of all, though, is the duplo box. This is what I sit on when I play the drums.

Wii exercise board

Mommy and Daddy have an exercise board because they think that they will use it for exercising when it is past my bed time. Ha! I always make sure that they are too tired for that. Besides, that is not what it is used for anyway. It is my conducting podium, and I have conducted many stirring performances of the Firebird Suite from this very spot. I wave my baton and jump and down, and then when the music is over I get applause and take a bow and ask to conduct it again. And again. And again. And again.

Pelican

My pelican toy is so silly. It makes a funny squawk sound, and you can tow it around by a string. There is only one place where we are allowed to play with the pelican toy, and that is in the kitchen. If someone tries to play with it in the the living room, I must explain to them that is the wrong place. I like it when I hide behind my high chair in the kitchen and Daddy tows the pelican in behind him. I think this is the funniest thing I've ever seen every single time he does it! Then, I take the pelican away from him and make him do it again.

Magnadoodle

My magnadoodle was a present from Aunt Jessica last Christmas, and it is one of my favorite toys. Mommy and Daddy think it is for drawing, but I know better. I hold onto the pen and tow it behind me like it is a dog on a leash. Mommy and Daddy will not let me have a real doggy, and I want one ever so badly. I can walk around all afternoon giving my magnadoodle some exercise. It is also good for stepping on, but my silly parents shoo me off of it. They don't know how to use any of my toys!

Tower equipment

There are so many things in my house that can be used to make towers. I especially like to use my rubber blocks, and my favorite rubber block is the RED one. I make sure that the red block is the last one I put away and the first one I take out every morning. Most of the time when I build towers I don't even use the red block, because I love it so much that I have to hold it. I also use Mommy's spices to make tall towers, and then I knock them over. But best of all is when I can use the foam chiropractic noodle that our friend Janette gave us. It is taller than me just on its own, but when Daddy builds towers on top of it, it is SO tall. I love to knock those towers over! And then we must build them again!

Tractors

I have two tractors, and they are my favorite toys. One of them has three buttons on the top that used to make sounds. One of the sounds was an engine starting, the other was a horn, and the last horn was a manly-sounding voice that said "Nothing runs like a Deere--Grrrr!!!" I play with my tractors every day, and the best place to use them is on top of Daddy's legs. He will bend his knees, and then I will drive my tractors up and down his legs. Sometimes he tries to read a book, but them I make him hold one of my tractors and drive it up and down his legs. I like it best when he makes his engine sound with his lips. Then I will make MY tractor engine sound too!

Sleigh Ride Puppy

My Mommy and Daddy got this book at a "white elephant" gift exchange, and they even tried to give it back. They're so silly! This is the greatest Christmas present ever. It is a toy doggy that sings "Sleigh Ride," except it changes the words to "curled up together like two fleas on a doggy would be." He has a silly voice, and he rocks back and forth when he sings. I could listen to him sing "Sleigh Ride" forty or fifty times in a row! And sometimes, I copy his dancing or wave my baton to conduct him. He makes me feel like Christmas all year round. I really wish I had a real doggy...