Ubby-Dubby

I owe the teachers of the Elba Central School District an apology. I taught 2^nd grade there a few weeks ago, and, having run out of my other regular tricks for sustaining their attention and good behavior (spelling their names in Greek, shouting loudly, playing the trumpet loudly, then shouting loudly again), I resorted to teaching them ubby-dubby. Ubby-dubby (or turkey-talk) is a made up language that my in-laws (kindly) used to use to talk amongst themselves in my presence until I figured it out. Basically it works like this:

The World is too much with us; late and soon,

Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;

Little we see in Nature that is ours;

We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!

Becomes

Thoba Woborld obis toboo mobuch wobith obus; lobate oband soboon,

Gobettobing oband spobendobing, wobe lobay wobaste obour pobowrs;

Lobittoble wobee sobee obin Nobatobure thobat obis obours;

Wobee hobave gobivoben obour hobearts obawobay, oba sobordobid boboon!

You add the sound ob sound in every syllable, and it makes people’s names and classroom instructions sound really funny, especially if you are a 2^nd grader. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then they kept asking for it (and attempting poor imitations of it) all afternoon. When I let them out for the afternoon they all wished me, “bobye, Mobistober Smobith!” and I said “bobye, oburchobins!” When I returned to teach another class later that week I was hailed in the hallway (in bad ubby-dubby) by the class in passing. I noticed that their regular teacher’s glance wasn’t particularly friendly. Today I returned to teach music, and a completely different 1^st grade class met me with excited faces at the door as “the teacher that taught Ms. F—‘s class hobby-wobby!” The language has apparently spread throughout the classes of the school, and the staff are combating it at every turn!

Oboops.