Friday, January 8, 2021

Epiphany lights

 We celebrated Epiphany with lots of extra light this year. Specifically, six recessed and dimmable LED lights that I had just finished mounting into our hole-pocked living room ceiling.

We had talked about this project with various levels of seriousness for a couple of years before there was any real motion. Our living room has wonderful natural light when the sun is up, but that still leaves eight months out of the year when you can hardly see anything. We've made do with table lamps plugged into the walls, but it really was a noticeable defect in our reading/seeing situation.

The project itself was straightforward enough--run electricity up into the ceiling, drill through the ceiling joists one by one, and then run wire to new fixtures. Unfortunately, this job was always stuck between the two perils of my discomfort with dying from self-electrocution if I attempted to do my own wiring, and also my cheapskate unwillingness to pay anyone else to do the work for us. (We actually did get as far as getting an estimate in December.)

Last Tuesday, having been thoroughly coached through the process by my father-in-law, and having been enticed by vague but exciting sounding extracurricular promises from my wife, I brought home a Lowe's bag full of electrical tools, shut off the power to our living room outlet, and opened it up.

I immediately called for backup. 

"Joe, I'm supposed to be looking at a hot, a neutral, and a ground, and I'm only seeing a the hot and neutral. Let's say that I try to wire this switch without grounding it...is my house going to burn down right away, or will it happen overnight while we're all sleeping?"

My friend Joe, who loves working on DIY electrical projects, rushed right over. We didn't make any cuts on Tuesday, but we did assemble the whole electrical relay and tested it just from the outlet box and found one very wrong way to do it (loud pop and the light shutting off) and then the correct way, which confirmed that my lights and switch were incompatible. 

After making a 6 AM Lowe's trip the next morning (my third one already, and I was hoping to just have to go in twice) Joe was back to help with the initial wire-fishing party the next morning. (As he observed, it's a lot of fun to practice these things when it isn't your own house that you're sawing up.) Joe is currently working from home, which isn't hard to do while you're pitching in with a DIY project. He's also the full time parent for his thirteen month old daughter while his wife works, so we had an extra visitor.

This is probably a good time to remember the reasons why I don't often attempt around-the-house projects. Those reasons are James, Owen, and Felix. Any room that is about to become a construction zone has to be a construction zone that is safe enough for a three-year old to pass through at any moment. We moved all of our furniture into the library, and they were in the way. We told them to stay out of the library while it was full of furniture, and they immediately all needed things from the library.

The now-empty living room became a echoing hardwood-lined shouting room. (I swear, Owen is louder in there than any of my power tools.) We attempted to bundle them all upstairs with movies and new Christmas toys, but they kept on showing up asking if they could have a turn yet climbing the ladder. 

Did I mention that we are in the middle of potty-training Felix? (Yes, trying that again.)

And they have school. Or they are supposed to. We gave them Wednesday off completely, but they've been doing their regular schoolwork at the kitchen table while I've been on a ladder in the living room for the past two days, and it's hard to administer a spelling test while screwing in drywall patches. 

Wednesday was the hardest day. As I mentioned, we had four children (and three adults) in the house that day, and J did a marvelous job of shifting her plans from being my co-electrician to full time babycare. (Joe's sweet little daughter made no bones about her preference for her father, though.) The bits of the job that I was most nervous about (getting the initial wiring run up to the first light fixture, finding a place for a switch box in our messy pipe and cable filled north wall) all went off without a hitch. We ended up stymied several times by seemingly simple problems, like finding a drill bit that could make progress through the ceiling joists. I ended up making a trip to Lowe's when I found that the right angle drill attachment I had bought for the job was missing a part (I had really hoped to only make three trips), and then had to go back when the replacement that I bought was only rated for fastening, not drilling (I was really hoping to only make four trips), and then back again when I opened up my bucket of joint compound and found out that it had gone hard/rancid. (I was really hoping to only make the five trips to Lowe's)

Joe had to leave after lunch, and I attended my church zoom meeting covered in dust. It became evident early in the afternoon on Wednesday that we weren't going to have any luck fishing through the ceiling joists without opening more holes, so I took out more of the ceiling as the hours ticked by. By suppertime I had the first length of wire fished through, and by the time Joe came back after all our kids were in bed we were ready to start hooking up lightboxes.

The easiest and simplest part of the project, by far, was running the electric line from box to box. WAGO connectors are nearly idiot-proof. It was about 9:30 on the night of Epiphany (having started the day at 6 AM) that I ran down to the basement and flipped the power to the living room back on. And there was light. Dimmable light. We blasted all six glorious lights and looked about at each other.

(Turns out that our living room is really filthy.)

The last two days have been smoother, although I was really hoping to only make the six trips to Lowe's. I framed all my ceiling patches and did a first mud layer yesterday, then spent the morning sanding and doing a second layer today. We'll see how it dries, but I think that I'll most likely leave it as it is until February and take up my father-in-law on his offer to do the final coat when they come up to visit.

Still, it doesn't look to bad. I owe big thank-yous to Dennis, Joe, and J. Thanks so much to each of you. And also, thanks to our kids for being patient these last few days. But seriously, that dimmer switch is not a toy. Just bump it up or down a bit if you need to, but then leave it alone. 


Friday, January 1, 2021

Spectacles

 We, as a family, have new glasses. 

James needs his prescription updated every year, and we can always tell that it's about that time when he starts asking us to read him the football scores that he SHOULD be able to see at the bottom of the screen on Sunday afternoons. (Unrelated to anything about glasses, but important to insert because I haven't blogged in a long time, how much fun are the Bills right now?) Our television isn't THAT small.

We noticed that he was getting squinty again and scheduled an appointment at the eye doctor. Sure enough, he needed to go significantly stronger. J had him pick out a new pair of frames. For such a mild and soft-spoken kid he has incredibly gaudy taste in clothing. (Bright yellows, oranges, and his unforgettable En Vacances Tiger t-shirt) His new glasses are cherry red in the front and blue in the back. They don't match his personality at all, but they fit right in (in a clashing, wearing your shirt backwards kind of way) with the rest of his wardrobe.

When we took Owen to get his eyes checked in 2019 he ended up crying on the floor of the optometrist because he DIDN'T need glasses. He recounted all of the reasons why James getting a pair while he didn't was unfair, and even attempted to walk out with a pair "just for decoration."

This year his wildest dreams came true. The doctor approved him for the weakest possible prescription (hey, don't turn down free money) and he now owns a pair of baby blue glasses that he loses about two or three times a day. Here is a typical daily agenda for Owen:

-Play football with Felix

-Crawl under the furniture

-Shouting and yelling

-Jump off of furniture

-Wrestle with James 

-More shouting

-Snowball fight

It's easy to understand why the glasses come on and off. He's dropped them in his mashed potatoes, shaken them off his face while recording selfie videos (mostly just screaming at the top of his lungs) on his new camera, and dropped them behind his bed.

It was James, though, that needed the first repair. Somehow (we're really not sure) his new glasses were stretched out so badly within his first two weeks of wearing them that they would no longer stay on his face.

"They are so loose that they fell off my head and into the toilet," he told the attendant who was attempting to straighten them out with the heat machine. She gave me a look that plainly said "Why didn't you tell me this before handing them to me."

"We washed them," I assured her.

I have no idea if we washed them. I didn't even know they'd fallen in the toilet.

Felix doesn't have glasses yet, but his pediatrician hinted that he was well on his way at his three year old well-child visit, so we have that to look forward to as well.

There's still one more new pair of glasses in the house, though. J and I both used our insurance credit to stock up on contacts, but the doctor recommended that I get a pair of reading glasses. I am officially an old man now.

They actually would have been cheaper if I had an AARP coupon, but I didn't. I was skeptical about whether they would do any good, but the difference was drastic and immediate. Crap.

So now I carry reading glasses around in my pocket, but have to take them off whenever I'm helping one of the older two sort out their latest case of lost/damaged eyewear. I haven't lost mine yet, but remind me to look on top of my head when I do. 

Thursday, December 31, 2020

2020 Reading

 A defense of not having blogged very much


January

The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)

The Screwtape Letters (C.S. Lewis)

Silence, Joy (Thomas Merton)

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone (Lori Gottlieb)

Bill Bryson’s African Diary (Bill Bryson)

Mother Night (Kurt Vonnegut)

Bread and Roses, Too (Katherine Paterson)

Seek My Face (John Updike)

Anybody’s Fool (Richard Russo)

Bluebeard (Kurt Vonnegut)

Catch and Kill (Ronan Farrow)

At Home (Bill Bryson)

Surrender, Dorothy (Meg Wolitzer)

Moonraker (Ian Fleming)

The Mother Tongue (Bill Bryson)

Marry Me (John Updike)

The Fellowship of the Ring (J.R.R. Tolkein)

Look at the Birdie (Kurt Vonnegut)

Howard’s End (E.M. Forester)

The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)

The Body (Bill Bryson)

Diamonds are Forever (Ian Fleming)

A Moveable Feast (Ernest Hemmingway)

Apologia Sokrates (in Greek)

Gaudy Night (Dorothy Sayers)


February

The Two Towers (J.R.R. Tolkein)

Candide (Voltaire, in English)

From Russia With Love (Ian Fleming)

Gertrude and Claudius (John Updike)

Watership Down (Richard Adams)

Agent Running in the Field (John LeCarre)

Hamlet (William Shakespeare)

The Return of the King (J.R.R. Tolkein)

The Sirens of Titan (Kurt Vonnegut)

Dr. No (Ian Fleming)

Across the Land and Water (W.G. Sebald)

The Romance of Archaeology (R.V.G. Magoffin, Emily C. Davis)

Iphigenia e Auloi (Euripides, in Greek)

In the Beauty of the Lilies (John Updike)

The Spy and the Traitor (Ben McIntyre)

Canterbury Tales (Geoffrey Chaucer, trans. Ackroyd)

A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens)

Goldfinger (Ian Fleming)

Made in America (Bill Bryson)

Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come (Jessica Pan)


March

Welcome to the Monkey House (Kurt Vonnegut)

The Four Loves (C.S. Lewis)

Grant (Ron Chernow)

Mohawk (Richard Russo)

How to Write a Thesis (Umberto Eco)

Complete Poems of Philip Larkin (Philip Larkin)

Maid (Stephanie Land)

Sense and Sensibility (Jane Austen)

Kata Ioannen (in Greek)

Why Nations Fail (Daren Acemoglu, James A. Robinson)

For Your Eyes Only (Ian Fleming)

Old Age: A Beginner’s Guide (Michael Kinsley)

Chances Are… (Richard Russo)

On the Shoulders of Giants (Umberto Eco)

Cicero (Anthony Everitt)

The Turn of the Key (Ruth Ware)

Ab Urbe Condita, Liber XXI (Livy, in Latin)

Thunderball (Ian Fleming)

When Breath Becomes Air (Paul Kalanithi)

Nine Perfect Strangers (Liane Moriarty)

The Importance of Being Earnest (Oscar Wilde)

The Spy Who Loved Me (Ian Fleming)

Therese Raquin (Emile Zola)

The Land of Heart’s Desire (W.B. Yeats)

Elene and Other Anglo-Saxon Poems (trans. James R. Garnett)


April

Short Stories of Guy du Maupassant, vol. 1 (G. d. Maupassant)

Four Quartets (T.S. Eliot)

Orbis Sensualium Pictus (Comenius, in Latin)

The Rover (Joseph Conrad)

Once More We Saw Stars (Jayson Greene)

The Dreamers (Karen Thompson Walker)

The Woman in White (Wilkie Collins)

Cold Sassy Tree (Olive Ann Burns)

The Goldfinch (Donna Tartt)

The Second Mountain (David Brooks)

The Odyssey (trans. Robert Fitzgerald)

That Old Cape Magic (Richard Russo)

The Overstory (Richard Powers)

Camino Island (John Grisham)

Camino Winds (John Grisham)

What Kind of Creatures Are We? (Noam Chomsky)

Gulliver’s Travels (Jonathan Swift)

Big Trouble (Dave Barry)

The Bookshop (Penelope Fitzgerald)

Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)

The Idea of the Holy (Rudolf Otto)


May

Hopes and Prospects (Noam Chomsky)

The Unvanquished (William Faulkner)

As You Like It (William Shakespeare)

The Problem of Pain (C.S. Lewis)

Catch Me if You Can (Frank Abagnale)

Nicholas Nickleby (Charles Dickens)

All the Pretty Horses (Cormac McCarhy)

The Splendid and the Vile (Erik Larson)

Homo Deus (Yuval Noah Harari)

Metamorphoses, Lib I (Ovid, in Latin)

The Brothers Karamazov (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

Harry Potter a l’Ecole des Sorciers (J.K. Rowling, in French)

No Country for Old Men (Cormac McCarthy)

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (Ian Fleming)

The Babylonian Genesis (trans. Alexander Heidel)

You Only Live Twice (Ian Fleming)

The Man with the Golden Gun (Ian Fleming)

Octopussy (Ian Fleming)

The Living Daylights (Ian Fleming)

The Old Testament (ESV translation)

Wine, Water, and Song (G.K. Chesterton)


June

Terrorist (John Updike)

The Way We Live Now (Anthony Trollope)

Criton (Plato, in Greek)

The Sun Does Shine (Anthony Ray Hinton)

The Red Badge of Courage (Stephen Crane)

Felix Holt (George Eliot)

The Cardturner (Louis Sachar)

The Woman in the Window (A.J. Finn)

Things Fall Apart (Chinua Achebe)

Three Women (Lisa Taddeo)

Fuzzy Mud (Louis Sachar)

Lessons from Lucy (Dave Barry)

The Drunken Botanist (Amy Stewart)

Van Gogh (Steven Naifeh)

Bridge to Terabithia (Katherine Paterson)

City of God (St. Augustine)

Summer House with Swimming Pool (Herman Koch)

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (John LeCarre)

The Pastor as Minor Poet (M. Craig Barnes)

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (Mark Twain)

Girl with a Pearl Earring (Tracy Chevalier) 

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Stieg Larsson)

 

July

The Girl Who Played with Fire (Stieg Larsson)

Small Steps (Louis Sachar)

Born on the Fourth of July (Ron Kovic)

The Stranger in the Woods (Michael Finkel)

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest (Stieg Larsson)

Eaters of the Dead (Michael Crichton)

The Checklist Manifesto (Atul Gawande)

Ordinary Grace (William Kent Krueger)

A Nation Worth Ranting About (Rick Mercer)

About Grace (Anthony Doerr)

How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids (Jancee Dunn)

The Grammar of God (Aviya Kushner)

Quiet (Susan Cain)

Lionel Asbo (Martin Amis)

The Dearly Beloved (Cara Wall)

The Green Mile (Stephen King)

American Moonshot (Douglas Brinkley)

Jurassic Park (Michael Crichton)

A Spy Among Friends (Ben McIntyre)

The Cuckoo’s Calling (Robert Galbraith)

Double Cross (Ben McIntyre)

Chomp (Carl Hiassen)


August

This is Where I Leave You (Jonathan Tropper)

Tightrope (Nicholas Kristoff, Sheryl WuDunn)

Operation Mincemeat (Ben McIntyre)

The Darwin Affair (Tim Mason)

Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury)

Everything Changes (Jonathan Tropper)

The Less People Know About Us (Axton Betz-Hamilton)

The Silkworm (Robert Galbraith)

Hamilton (Ron Chernow)

Paddle Your Own Canoe (Nick Offerman) 

Agent Zigzag (Ben McIntyre)

Fight Club (Chuck Palhuniuk)

The Book of Joe (Jonathan Tropper)

An Anonymous Girl (Greer Hendricks, Sarah Pekkanen)


September

Friday Night Lights (Buzz Bissinger)

The Black Dahlia (James Ellroy)

The Round House (Louise Erdrich)

The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkein)

52 Loaves (William Alexander)

Amusing Ourselves to Death (Neil Postman)

A Stoic

How to Talk to a Widower (Jonathan Tropper)

The Sojourn (Andrew Krivak)

Tangerine (Christine Mangan)

Born to Run (Christopher McDougall)

Praxeis (in Greek)

The Imperial Cruise (James Bradley)

The Order of the Day (Eric Vuillard)

Career of Evil (Robert Galbraith)

Lethal White (Robert Galbraith)

The Country of Marriage (Wendell Berry)

Lincoln in the Bardo (George Saunders)

Midnight in Chernobyl (Adam Higginbotham)


October

Aeneid I (Virgil, in Latin)

The Secret History (Donna Tartt)

Peri Arithmon (Plotinus, in Greek) 

Tartuffe (Moliere, in English)

Troubled Blood (Robert Galbraith)

The Martian (Andy Weir)

In the Time of the Butterflies (Julia Alvarez)

The Sibling Effect (Jeffrey Kluger)

The Kingdom of Speech (Tom Wolfe)

The Grownup (Gillian Flynn)

To the Moon! (Jeffrey Kluger)

The Colors of All the Cattle (Alexander McCall Smith)

The Life We Bury (Allen Eskens)

Silas Marner (George Eliot)

The Silent Patient (Alex Michaelides)

The Leavers (Lisa Ko)

I, Claudius (Robert Graves)

Your House Will Pay (Steph Cha)


November

Claudius the God (Robert Graves)

Into Thin Air (Jon Krakauer)

Anxious People (Fredrik Backman)

A Time for Mercy (John Grisham)

The Long Run (Catriona Menzies-Pike)

Hoot (Carl Hiaasen)

Running with Sherman (Christopher McDougall)

Hue, 1968 (Mark Bowden)

The Warden (Anthony Trollope)

Hannah Coulter (Wendell Berry)

How to Be an Antiracist (Ibram X. Kendi) 

The Bach Reader (Hans David, Arthur Mendel)


December

With Charity for All (Ken Stern)

The Long Distance Runner’s Guide to Injury Prevention and Treatment (Grabak/Lipman/Walte)

The Shadows We Hide (Allen Eskens)

As You Like It (William Shakespeare)

Sons and Soldiers (Bruce Henderson)

The Guise of Another (Allen Eskens)

The Heavens May Fall (Allen Eskens)

Circe (Madeline Miller)

Blackett’s War (Stephen Budiansky)

Given (Wendell Berry)

Team Rodent (Carl Hiaasen)

Daisy Jones and the Six (Taylor Jenkins Reid)

81 Days Below Zero (Brian Murphy)

Galatea (Madeline Miller)

The Boys of Winter (Wayne Coffey)

The Indifferent Stars Above (Daniel James Brown)

A Christmas Carol (Charles Dickens)

Death in the Afternoon (Ernest Hemmingway)

All the Way to Heaven (Dorothy Day)

Clement/Mathetes/Polycarp (in English)

Razor Girl (Carl Hiaasen)

Bad Monkey (Carl Hiaasen)

A Great Cloud of Witnesses (Harry Heintz)