8:05
James: Did you pack some snacks?
J: Yes, we packed some pretzels and some fruit for you boys!
James: Great! Can I have a snack now?
Me: We are literally in our driveway.
J: And you finished your breakfast less than five minutes ago.
James: But I'm hungry for a snack!
8:07
J: Wait a sec...I don't think I have my cellphone.
Me: Anything?
J: Nope, turn around. I don't have it.
8:09
James: Now can I have a snack?
Me: James, we are still in our own driveway. We aren't going to have a snack for a while.
8:30
James: It seems like we've been driving for a pretty long time.
J: You can't have a snack yet.
James: Are we in Pennsylvania yet?
Me: Not yet. Another couple of hours.
James: Can I have a snack when we get to Pennsylvania?
J: You need to stop asking about snacks.
8:45
James: Hey, Owen.
Owen: What, James?
James: How do you feel?
Owen: Good!
James: Do you feel hungry?
J: Stop it, James
9:00
Owen: Are we in California yet?
Me: California?
Owen: Yeah, are we there yet?
Me: Do you mean Pennsylvania?
Owen: Right! To Grandma and Grandpa's house.
Me: No, we aren't there yet.
Owen: James, we aren't to California yet.
James: We aren't ever going to have a snack.
9:00-10:00
Lots of "are we there yet," "look how big the mountains are," variations on "I'm hungry," and Felix fussing
10:00
Snack time
10:05
James: Hey Mommy, when do you think we can have another snack?
10:10
Owen: How much farther away is California?
James: Ninety billion and six million and twenty billion and three one one thirty thousand and billion miles.
10:30
James: Mommy, now that we're in Pennsylvania can we have another snack?
J: No more snacks until after lunch.
James: Well, when is lunch going to be?
J: In about another hour when we get to Williamsport.
10:35
James: Are we in Williamsport yet?
et cetera
11:30
Me: Okay, guys do you see what's up ahead?
James: It's Wegman's!
Owen: <crying> No, no, we can't go to Wegman's! We have to go to Williamsport before we can go to California!
Me: This is Williamsport. This is the Williamsport Wegman's.
Owen: <instantly fine> Oh! Can we have sesame chicken?
11:35
Me: Okay, James, I need you to go potty and to hang your coat up on the hook in the stall, don't throw it on the floor, okay? And Owen, it looks like you're going to need a diaper change. Stay right there and don't touch anything.
Owen: James, is that you?
Me: <apologizing> Sorry, sorry. <to Owen> No, that isn't James, and you need to remember, like we talked about last time, you can't just stick your head under people's stalls.
Owen: James is going on the potty like a big boy.
Me: Why isn't your diaper wet?
Owen: I am holding mine pee-pee. But it's about to come out.
Me: Well, let's sit you on the potty, then. But how'd your pants get so wet?
Owen: I spilled mine water on mine self.
Me: Okay, here you go. Put your pee-pee in the potty.
Owen: <loudest announcer voice> Mine pee-pee is coming out!!!!
James: Daddy, I'm done.
Me: Yup, let's untuck your shirt. Okay, and can you wash your own hands?
James. I think so.
Owen: Daddy, I'm done.
Me: Okay, stand here and don't touch anything until I can wash your hands.
Owen: Lightning McQueen is faster than Jackson Storm.
Me: No, no...see you can't put your hands in the urinal.
James: Daddy, I want to go get food.
Me: Where's your coat?
James: Oh, it's still in the stall
Owen: Daddy, whatcha doing?
Me: Trying to pee before you guys break anything in here or contract some horrible disease.
James: Owen, let's make funny faces in the mirror.
Owen: Okay!
Me: That's a great idea!
12:05
Me: This is the exit to get back on the highway, right?
James: Hey Mommy!
J: Yes, James?
James: When do you think we'll have another snack?
Owen: Are we going to the North Pole now?
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