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Dear James,

Hopefully you won't remember the Eurojump. It's going to stick with me for a while. It was the Thursday evening of the VBS week at Webster, and we were at the family pizza party. You liked the pizza, even though they didn't have your favorite chicken pizza. You liked the cupcakes, and I think you liked the bounce house. But I could tell as soon as I saw the Eurojump (a big bungee-like contraption that sent kids flying up into the air and then back down again onto big trampoline pads) that it wasn't going to be something you were interested in.

But Alexa was interested in it. And while Uncle Lucas and I chased around Owen and Mommy sat with Felix and introduced him to everyone who was poking into his little wrapped-up face, you ended up in line for the Eurojump with your best friend.

You asked me to wait with you, and I knew that you were feeling nervous. But I couldn't wait with you for long, because Owen needed help getting up into the bouncy castle again, and then he lost his shoes, and then you were in line with Alexa, looking nervous and alone.

Mom was watching you too. She agonized with you as you waited 20 minutes to get to the front of the line as you nervously clenched your hands, wishing you could do anything else. We watched as the kids ahead of you took their turns doing spectacular flips and acrobatics, knowing that you wouldn't want to do any of that. And then, when you got to the front of the line and the lady with the clipboard told you you'd have to wait even longer because Alexa had already taken one turn, we saw the look of relief on your face.

But just as you thought you were saved, someone from the staff "took pity" on you and insisted that you and Alexa should be able to take your turns right away, since you hadn't gone yet and you were waiting to go together. And everyone was watching you, and it was time for you to go up.

I'm not even sure what happened to Owen at that point. I remember coming over to you and seeing that you were about to cry. Did you feel like everyone was watching you? I felt like that too. Was the girl who helped you into your harness making you feel safe? She could tell you were nervous, and she was trying her hardest too. I know Mommy couldn't watch. Alexa was already bouncing up and down on hers while you asked to get down.

It must have felt like you were up on that little trampoline forever, insisting that you wanted to get down and go back to Mom. I felt awful for you when you burst into tears. I remember feeling the same way. I don't think Owen or Alexa will ever feel like you do. They're just wired differently. But Mommy and I know what it's like to be scared and embarrassed and to wish you could just crawl into a hole and disappear.

James, you will need to learn to be brave. You'll need to learn how to jump into a pool of water, how to introduce yourself to a pretty girl, and how to get up and jump on the carnival ride. So many of the best and most wonderful things in life--friends, roller coasters, airplane rides--they all mean that you have to be brave at the beginning before you get to the wonderful part. And I know that you are fascinated by this idea. It's why you love your toy sword and reading about Treasure Island going for hikes in the woods.

But when you aren't brave, we'll still love you. I wish you could have done the Eurojump, because you would have had a great time. Someday you will. Owen probably would have done it without even thinking about it. And we love Owen, because he's Owen. But we love you, James, because you're James.