Sunday, July 10, 2016

Charges Against Owen

On this day, July the 10th, 2016, Owen Nicholas Smith is hereby charged with the following crimes:

-Attempt to disrupt a church service by shouting and flopping about on the floor
-Attempt to disrupt a church service by climbing onstage and running about
-Attempt to disrupt a church service by taking off his shoes and throwing them behind the piano while running about onstage
-Attempt to disrupt a church service and attempt to disrupt a musical performance by deliberately trying to tip over a music stand while his father was performing special music
-Resisting adult restraint when a helpful church member removed him from the music steand area
-Attempting a to disrupt a musical performance by banging on piano keys during a hymn
-Attempted theft, the emptying out and confiscation of items from an adult wallet
-Attempted theft, absconding with an adult's watch
-Attempted theft, an iPhone
-Attempt to disrupt a church service, turning on Siri during a pastoral prayer
-Attempted theft, removing tithe envelopes from the offering plate and running off with them during the pastoral prayer
-Reckless endangerment and failure to follow posted instructions, falling off of the stage during the singing of a hymn
-Attempt to disrupt a church service, generally entering and exiting the stage during inappropriate moments
-Attempt to disrupt a church service, flopping about the floor like a fish during the children's sermon
-Attempt to disrupt a church service, slamming an open door shut during the sermon
-Attempted theft, snatching bulletins away from elderly church-goers
-Vandalization, deliberately stepping in puddles in Sunday clothes

Sentencing will be delivered after nap. Naptime may be counted as time served. 

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