Parental Preference

James is not happy with me.

Yesterday was my first morning back at LCS. I'll only be there Mondays and Wednesdays this year because of Symphoria, but yesterday we had staff training. I was up and out the door before James woke up, and I didn't get back until 4:00. This was a big change from our regular summer hours.

It's important to note how much James loved the summer schedule. He was so excited in June when I was there every morning to get him up that J began to feel a bit boxed out. I'd get him up from his crib at 7:30 or 8 in the morning, and he'd be bouncing with excitement when I came into the room. Picking him up, I'd ask "should we go wake up Mommy?" He'd shake his head no, because it was Daddy PLAYTIME! We'd go downstairs and eat breakfast together. James would have a banana before he climbed up on my lap to steal my spoon and work on my cereal with me, spreading it all over his front, the table, and the floor. Daddy found this funny. Mommy did not. Then we'd go play with toys, including some toys that weren't in regular use during the school year, like the broom, the jumper cables, and walls. (Where else can you bounce a ball?)

There were some heartfelt talks with J. Far be it from me to put words into my wife's mouth, but most of the conversations, if I had to summarize, went something like this:

J: blah blah blah, blah blah-blah blah, having fun is against all my Mommy rules and you and James are evil rule-breakers.
Me: I wish to be respectful of your feelings, and I sense that you are upset about something. It must be hard on you for your well-planned parenting structures to be altered by my constant presence. Please tell me about what's on your mind while I finish washing these dishes and put them away neatly in their proper places.
J: (sobbing uncontrollably to sad music) James doesn't love me anymore since you came home from school!
Me: (giving a tender hug)There there, why don't you use this time to relax and think about your hopes and dreams whilst I prepare dinner.
J: You're so wise and handsome, and it turns out that all of the new games you taught James are safe and age-appropriate! Make sweet love to me far into the wee hours of the morning!

That was "more or less" how the conversation went, and we came to find a new balance for most of the summer. James and I played a lot together, and we had a wonderful few months while I was hardly ever going in to work.

J told me that when she got James up yesterday morning he immediately pointed to his bedroom door, and when asked what he wanted said "Da-da." She brought him downstairs, and he set about looking for me in the living room, and the kitchen. I wasn't there, of course, nor was I in the laundry room or upstairs in the bathroom.

I arrived home at 4:00 just as he was getting up from his afternoon nap. I heard J asking him "Do you know who is home? Do you know who is here?" I stepped up to him and she said "Daddy is here!" in an excited voice.

He didn't react at all.

"Would you like Daddy to change your diaper?"

He shook his head no.

"Would you like to say hello to Daddy?"

He shook his head again and snuggled her shoulder.

I made an attempt: "James, I missed you today! I'm sorry I didn't get to see you before I had to leave."

He snuggled Mommy again.

J changed his diaper, and he didn't even deign to look at me until we went downstairs. He had been betrayed. When I gave him a bath that night he engaged in active protest. Bathtime is probably our most redneck time of the day. The stopper in our bathtub is broken, so there's no way to seal the water in the tub except by covering the drain with a thick piece of duct tape. James is very good about knowing he can't touch the duct tape, but tonight he ripped it off the drain as soon as I looked away. I chided him and tore off another piece, knowing it would be much harder to get it to stay since the bottom of the tub was wet. I managed to get a seal, but James tore it off again.

"Listen, squirt...you're going to take a bath with no water if you keep on ripping the tape off? Got it?"

He grinned and nodded.

I put on another piece of tape and started to fill the tub again.

Rriiiiippppppp.

And that's how James ended up being soaped up with no water in the tub, and then unceremoniously hosed off under the tap.

He softened up to me by the end of the evening, and he let me brush his teeth and do bedtime prayers with him. We prayed for all our family and said "Help me to be loving." And then, "thank you that Daddy has a job to go to, and help James and Daddy to find good playtime once he gets home."