Friday, January 4, 2013

Personality Survey for James

Have you noticed how desperate some people can be to find out "who they are?" I'm fairly certain this is why teenagers act the way they do. When one of the trumpet players in my band makes flatulent sounds into the wrong end of his instrument for the sixth time, his primary reason for doing so is to find out who he "is." Is he a comedian? Is he popular? (It turns out he "is" a person who has detention next week) I don't have behavioral problems from my church choir, because they all know who they are. (Although, some of the older ones might soon be in danger of forgetting this.) There's an enormous market in America for self-discovery books, self-discovery religion, and middle school drama club. I don't want James to have to go through this, so I'm going to figure out who he "is" now. I've decided that this is a good use of my time, since I don't have any more lessons for the afternoon, and maybe it will save him some embarrassment in his teenage years. (I had to find out the hard way that I was not the soccer-playing athlete, hip jazz musician, bearded intellectual, or surly rebel, and especially not the guy with handsome long hair. There are very painful photographs proving this.)

This is how James would answer the following survey

1. You are almost never late for your appointments
 YES, although sometimes my parents are late for theirs. I am certainly very punctual about starting my day at 6:30, even if it is a weekend or a holiday. And God spare them if they don't give me lunch right at noon.

2. You like to be engaged in an active and fast-paced job
YES, especially if that job is "emptying the tupperware cabinet of all its contents."

3. You enjoy having a wide circle of acquaintances
NO, strangers give me the willies. Also, aunts and uncles who I haven't seen in the last week, unless they are offering me food.

4. You feel involved when watching TV soaps
NO, because Mom and Dad have hid the remote controls and taped off the TV buttons, which prevents me from turning on the TV in the middle of the afternoon.

5. You are usually the first to react to a sudden event, such as the telephone ringing or unexpected question
YES, and know exactly what to do when I hear a phone go off. I hold up whatever is in my hand, even if that thing is food, and put it to my ear.

6. You are more interested in a general idea than in the details of its realization
NO, I am interested in putting pens in the toilet.

7. You tend to be unbiased even if this might endanger your good relations with people
YES, I am willing to endanger good relations with my Mom and Dad if that's what it takes to point out some of the horrible injustices they practice, such as refusing to let me go outside in the snow whenever I want.

8. Strict observance of the established rules is likely to prevent a good outcome
NO, I think the best outcome would be if I DID play with the electrical sockets. (I will shake my head "no" as I do it to acknowledge that I hear their shouting.)

9. It's difficult to get you excited 
NO, not in a world with BUNNY RABBITS!

10. It is in your nature to assume responsibility
YES, that's why I have a Super James cape.

11. You often think about humankind and its destiny
NO, I think about taking books about humankind and its destiny and spreading them around the kitchen.

12. You believe the best decision is one that can be easily changed
YES, I like to change my decisions several times before I do anything. I do this especially when my Mommy is asking me what I'd like to play with.

13. Objective criticism is always useful in any activity
NO, Steven Bear is useful in any activity.

14. You prefer to act immediately rather than speculate about various options
YES, speculation is for those who are too cowardly to leap off of furniture

15.  You trust reason rather than feelings
YES, except when my feelings are "hungry," "sleepy," "upset," "wound up," or "awake."

16. You are inclined to rely more on improvisation than on careful planning
YES, although I do plan my bowel movements quite carefully so that I can fill a diaper that has only just been changed.

17. You spend your leisure time actively socializing with a group of people, attending parties, shopping, etc.
NO, because Mommy and Daddy always take their credit cards back as soon as I can steal them out of their wallets

18. You usually plan your actions in advance
NO, because I don't want to plan out a whole afternoon of playing with blocks when at any moment I might be allowed to brush my teeth. Best just to live in the moment for me.

19. Your actions are frequently influenced by emotions
YES, because when Mommy or Daddy takes something away it breaks my heart and the entire world is ending before my very eyes.

20. You are a person somewhat reserved and distant in communication
NO, I have discovered how to shriek with maximum value, and I always make my point by clinging to Mommy's knees

21. You know how to put every minute of your time to good purpose
YES, three words: Tomato paste bowling

22. You readily help people while asking nothing in return
YES, I am always willing to help comb Mommy's hair with my fingers or to hold Daddy's cash.

23. You often contemplate the complexity of life
YES, especially what makes those funny sounds in the thing called "furnace."

24. After prolonged socializing you feel you need to get away and be alone
YES, but if you leave me in the crib for more than 15 minutes I will scream bloody murder.

25. You often do jobs in a hurry
YES, because I have so much to do. Oftentimes I have to draw on my magnadoodle at the same time I'm supposed to be pushing around the shredded wheat in a laundry basket.

26. You easily see the general principle behind specific occurrences
YES, and the general principle is that Mommy and Daddy are magic

27. You frequently and easily express your feelings and emotions
YES, YEAH! <shakes head> WAAAHHH!!!!!!!

28. You find it difficult to speak loudly
NO, are you kidding?

29. You get bored if you have to read theoretical books
YES, so I put them in my mouth instead.

30. You tend to sympathize with other people
YES, especially if those people are holding food.

31. You value justice higher than mercy
NO, I'm not tall enough to reach either of them.

32. You rapidly get involved in the social life of a new workplace
YES, all the women coo at me. But if I had my way, I'd just be looking for stairs to climb.

33. The more people with whom you speak, the better you feel
NO, when Mommy and Daddy ask me to say my words in front of people it is my solemn duty to be absolutely silent and hide my face.

34. You tend to rely on your experience rather than on theoretical alternatives
NO, I live my life based on the theoretical alternative that one day the front door will be unlocked.

35. You like to keep a check on how things are progressing
YES, especially if those things are laundry cycles.

36. You easily empathize with the concerns of other people
YES, because clearly everyone's primary concern is whether or not I am sufficiently entertained.

37. You often prefer to read a book than go to a party
NO, I'd prefer to pull the dust jacket off of the book and scribble in it with a stolen pen.

38. You enjoy being at the center of events in which other people are directly involved
YES, such as when everyone came up with the party called "Christmas" to celebrate me visiting and gave me presents.

39. You are more inclined to experiment than to follow familiar approaches
YES, I try many different methods of going down the stairs. Sometimes, though, my parents stifle my creativity.

40. You avoid being bound by obligations
YES, if "obligations" means "socks."

41. You are strongly touched by stories about people's troubles 
NO, unless the story involves a dog. I am only interested in stories with dogs.

42. Deadlines seem to you to be of relative, rather than absolute, importance
YES, when Daddy says "3...2...1..." he clearly doesn't mean it and I feel I ought to keep on doing whatever it is I'm doing

43.  You prefer to isolate yourself from outside noises
NO, because the garbage trucks that make those noises have flashy lights that are fun to look at.

44. It's essential for you to try things with your own hands
YES, and once I've held it I usually need to put it in my mouth as well.

45. You think that almost everything can be analyzed
YES, why do you think we have mouths if not to analyze the world?

46. You do your best to complete a task on time
NO, if I can't finish a project before bedtime I just leave it lying on the floor. By morning, all my toys are put away and the floor is clean. I think it must be house-elves? I don't know why Mommy and Daddy always complain about this.

47. You take pleasure in putting things in order
NO, it's Mommy's job to put the blocks in order, and then it's my job to knock them down and spread them around the room.

48. You feel at ease in a crowd
NO, I'm very uneasy in crowded places, and I find that the best solution is to scream and cry until someone takes me back out to the car.

49. You have good control over your desires and temptations
NO, if I am standing anywhere near a mug of coffee a magnetic temptation force draws me over to dip my fingers in it. But this is not my fault.

50. You easily understand new theoretical principles
YES, I understand that Mommy and Daddy sometimes try to use new ideas they read about on the internet. It is my job to defeat these ideas and get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead.

51. The process of searching for a solution is more important to you than the solution itself
YES, because Mommy always hides her solution where I can't reach it. Once I find it I squirt it out on the floor and then throw the bottle in the tub.

52. You usually place yourself nearer to the side than in the center of a room
NO, my placement in the room is determined only by where the staircase is located.

53. When solving a problem you would rather follow a familiar approach than seek a new one
YES, my familiar approach of "bang it against the floor really hard to see what noise it makes and if it does anything" is tested and true.

54. You try to stand firmly by your principles
YES, I will always live by the motto that "if I can't move it or get it open, the only thing to be done is to shriek at the top of your lungs."

55. A thirst for adventure is close to your heart
YES, my I'm never so happy as when I'm being tossed wildly up in the hair and swung around upside-down.

56. You prefer meeting in small groups over interaction with lots of people
YES, I prefer to keep my company limited to me Mommy, and Steven. Daddy is allowed to come if he brings ice cream.

57. When considering a situation you pay more attention to the current situation and less to a possible sequence of events
YES, because if I had to stop and worry about the "sequence of events" for every little thing I did no enormous stacks of sheet music would ever get pushed over.

58. You consider the scientific approach to be the best
NO, I laugh at scientists and I make nasty swipes at their glasses, as I do to all people who are foolish enough to don eyewear in my presence.

59. You find it difficult to talk about your feelings
YES, and you would too if the only words you could say were "Yes," "Mama," and "Dada."

60. You often spend time thinking of how things could be improved
YES, and I think that most everything could be improved if I had my own puppy

61. Your decisions are based more on the feelings of a moment than on the careful planning
NO, I will sometimes wait for over 20 minutes for both of my parents to leave a room if it will give me opportunity to pull on electrical cords.

62. You prefer to spend your leisure time alone or relaxing in a tranquil atmosphere
NO, I prefer to spend my leisure time banging on pots and pats with Celine Dion cranked up full volume in the kitchen

63. You feel more comfortable sticking to conventional ways
NO, I feel more comfortable sticking to the 1/4 inch layer of old food that no one wants to clean up from the cushions of my high chair. Sometimes I can find old cheerios.

64. You are easily affected by strong emotions
YES, you have no idea that panic and despair I feel when I temporarily forget where I left Steven Bear.

65. You are always looking for opportunities
YES, but those blasted people put all the interesting stuff up on tables and cabinets. It's like they know I'm looking for it.

66. Your desk, workbench, etc. is usually neat and orderly
NO, not since I learned to crawl, and especially not now that I can walk.

67. As a rule, current preoccupations worry you more than your future plans
YES, why would I worry about the future? Clearly Steven and I will live in my nursery forever looking for lost coins under the dresser.

68. You get pleasure from solitary walks
NO, even if I don't have an immediate use for them I like one of my parents to come along and keep an eye out for the vacuum cleaner. It's just safer that way.

69. It is easy for you to communicate in social situations
YES, when other children come to play I have no problem expressing to them that all of their toys are now MINE.

70. You are consistent in your habits
YES, I brush teeth EVERY NIGHT after bath. If Mommy or Daddy forget I make sure to remind them.

71. You willingly involve yourself in matters which engage your sympathies
YES, even though I can be a pestilence upon her house, I give my Mommy hugs when she looks sad.

72. You easily perceive various ways in which events could develop
YES, one event that could develop would be us getting a dog.


Here's the result of James' survey:

Your Type
ENFP
Extravert(33%)  iNtuitive(12%)  iNtuitive  Feeling(25%)  Perceiving(22)%
  • You have moderate preference of Extraversion over Introversion (33%)
  • You have slight preference of Intuition over Sensing (12%)
  • You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (25%)
  • You have slight preference of Perceiving over Judging (22%)

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh - this is hilarious, Roy!
    So many of these are applicable to Bo as well. Crazy little guys.

    And you know I was cracking up at the line "not the guy with handsome long hair"...

    ReplyDelete