How to talk to trumpet players

Scene: A middle school bandroom, several minutes after the homeroom bell. A student teacher staggers in, carrying a gig bag.
Trumpeter: Whoa, sorry I'm late!
Me: Hi, are you Ms. P---'s student teacher? My name is Mr. Smith, I'm subbing for her today. Please feel free to run as much of the day as you'd like. I'll be right here if you need me, but as far as I'm concerned it's your show.
Trumpeter: Oh, sure. (notices my gig bag) Are you a musician?
Me: Yes, I'm a trumpet player.
Trumpeter: Yeah, me too!
Me: That's great! Where are you from?
Trumpeter: Well, I live in (nearby town) but I'm in my last semester at (state school).
Me: That's great. Are you studying with A---?
Trumpeter: Yeah, I got real lucky, because the other guy sucks, and A--- takes on all the really talented students.
Me: That's nice.
Trumpeter: So where are you from?
Me: Well, I actually grew up in (school district we're standing in.)
Trumpeter: Oh, I went to (rival school district.)
Me: Oh, wow. So you probably know M---? He and I went to (my undergraduate institution) together.
Trumpeter: Yeah, I know M---. Does he play any better now? Because in high school, he was like (makes face).
Me: Yes, he's a fine player. Where was your other student teaching placement?
Trumpeter: Over at the high school.
Me: Did you enjoy it?
Trumpeter: Man, it was rough. Cause you know the marching band over there is like, (makes face) and I went to (rival high school) where it was like, excellence.
Me: I see. So you liked it at (rival high school)?
Trumpeter: Yeah, in sixth grade I played like a pile of (bad word) but I still had a really great sound, and then in seventh grade I got this really good teacher who knew (famous trumpet player) and he had me doing stuff out of the Arban book in seventh grade! Seventh grade, you know? So then I was playing like a monster and I doing double tonguing and had a great sound, but I still didn't read music very well, and then in high school I was this great player, and I was going to go to (several big conservatories) but I ended up going to (local community college) and then I transferred to (slightly further away community college) before I went to (state school). And I was going to transfer to (prestigious conservatory) but my teacher got all mad because I didn't, and he was like "you could be a prodigy," but I still didn't read music very well, but I figured that out at (state school), so now I get to play principal in all the top ensembles.

ad nauseum...

You'd think I was making this up!!!!