Sunday, July 23, 2023

Preached at GPC July 23rd

 Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43

13:24 He put before them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven may be compared to someone who sowed good seed in his field;

13:25 but while everybody was asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and then went away.

13:26 So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared as well.

13:27 And the slaves of the householder came and said to him, 'Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where, then, did these weeds come from?'

13:28 He answered, 'An enemy has done this.' The slaves said to him, 'Then do you want us to go and gather them?'

13:29 But he replied, 'No; for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat along with them.

13:30 Let both of them grow together until the harvest; and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Collect the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.'"

13:36 Then he left the crowds and went into the house. And his disciples approached him, saying, "Explain to us the parable of the weeds of the field."

13:37 He answered, "The one who sows the good seed is the Son of Man;

13:38 the field is the world, and the good seed are the children of the kingdom; the weeds are the children of the evil one,

13:39 and the enemy who sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are angels.

13:40 Just as the weeds are collected and burned up with fire, so will it be at the end of the age.

13:41 The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will collect out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all evildoers,

13:42 and they will throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

13:43 Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Let anyone with ears listen!

In the summer of 2009 my brother Lucas and my sister Martha were Vacation Bible School volunteers at Albion Free Methodist Church, the church I grew up in. They were assigned to the Kindergarten class, running the little ones around in camp games and distributing the dixie cups of fruit punch and the Keebler elf cookies. They sang the camp songs, practiced the camp dances, and ran the kids in laps around the (unairconditioned) sanctuary. Near the end of the afternoon, with the horde of sugared children wound up to their highest pitch, the team leader lined up the Kindergartners in front of the altar rail and asked them in her most excited voice about some of the details of the bible stories they had learned that day. And then, summing up another great day of VBS, she asked expectantly, “And who is it that made you and named you and loves you so much? His name starts with a ‘G’!”

To which the whole line of kindergartners eagerly shouted out, “GEE-sus!”

I remember participating in those muggy VBS weeks and sitting up at that same altar rail for children’s sermons, and the correct answer always was “Jesus” or “God.” And you couldn’t go wrong with “Love” either. Because Jesus was always the right answer to any question in any children’s moment, something peculiar happened: the fact that Jesus of Nazareth was a real man who really lived in an actual place at a particular moment in history escaped me for many years. I knew his name was the right answer, but I forgot that the name belonged to a real person, until that truth landed on me with a startling bump.

The name “Jesus” for me, and for (I imagine) many others who grow up in the school of flannelgraphs, had collapsed into an impersonal term of unspecific beneficence. “Jesus” was the failsafe correct answer when your youth pastor suddenly asked you a question when you weren’t paying attention. “Jesus” was the magic word that transformed an otherwise secular pop song into Christian contemporary music (and therefore safe for consumption) when inserted in lyrics that were otherwise indistinguishable from hormonal teenage longing. “What Would Jesus Do?” was the question (without having first asked any other important questions about who on earth Jesus was) that became the simplified form of the Categorical Imperative in moral philosophy. Whatever was the best thing to do is was Jesus would do, of course…because Jesus was to us more an idea than a person. He was a theistic principle, not a middle eastern looking man with actual earwax. Asking what Jesus would do without putting any conscious thought into who Jesus actually was led to buttering up pious grownups by calling them Christlike. What a compliment, to say that someone is like Jesus!

But like Jesus how? In their being single? In their cagey secrecy about their actual identity? In their open defiance of societal norms? In their violent public outbursts and even more violent death? Their manufacture of high quality wine?

So the name “Jesus” was then to me little more than what it was to those VBS Kindergartners. A good answer to any complex question I couldn’t be bothered to weigh properly. Starts with a G, I think. And even scarier than the ignorance involved in such thinking was the subtle way in which I was beginning to draw the outline of a man named Jesus who looked nothing like the Jesus who appeared in the Bible. A white Jesus who reminded me of my favorite grownups and who would fit comfortably at the center of my life’s religious experience so far.

Now, two quick disclaimers. If there is a way to teach faith to children without something like this happening, I don’t know how to do it. All human beings make god in their own image to some extent, and the best we can hope for is to be aware that we will be tempted to do so and then to have the humility and humor to name it as it happens. Also, thank goodness for those brave enough to attempt religious instruction of the young in our own congregation—Carrie Dykes, you do an amazing job. If my kids think that that you spell with Jesus with a G, or if they blankly volunteer his name when you ask them a question they aren’t expecting, that isn’t on you.

The man Jesus, who really had earwax and blisters and facial hair and fingernails, told over 40 parables in the gospels. Some of them, like the Good Samaritan, are marvelous moral lessons. As an answer to the question “Who is my neighbor?”, how could you possibly tell a better story? Other parables, like the dishonest manager who reduces all the accounts in arrears to his master so that he won’t have to dig ditches, are more obscure. Let’s get into today’s parable. What I love about today’s parable, the parable of the sower, is that we don’t just get the story. We get the story in verses 24-30, and then in verses 36-43 we get Jesus’ explanation of the story. And in explaining what he meant by the story, we get a window through which we can look at Jesus himself. Jesus the man. Jesus the man whose voice had a real timbre, Jesus the human being who would have had a preference between green olives and black olives.

I’m particularly interested in what Jesus’ explanation of his parable tells us about his worldview. A quick word on what that word means—several of my friends and acquaintances were sent to Christian worldview camps in their youth, which, from what I understand, were attempts to teach a systematic Christian theology that could be used to critique modern American secularism. No comment on whether or not that’s a good idea, but that use of the word “worldview”—a system of philosophical beliefs--is not what we’re interested in here.

What we are interested in are the symbols, praxis, stories, and questions that taken together would allow a system of beliefs (or a system of unbelief) to cohere. Worldviews, in other words, are not what we “look at” intellectually when we think about the world. They are the eyeglasses through which we “look at” or “think at” our problems, neighbors, enemies, work, celebrations, crises, etc. The questions that form a worldview are “Who are we?” “Where are we?” “What is wrong?” “What is the solution?” and “What time is it?”

Right away in Jesus’ explanation of his parable there is a critical word in what he calls the children of the “kingdom”—basileia. Basileus means “king” in Greek (the feminine-queen-is Basile), so it makes sense to translate basileia as “kingdom,” just like king and kingdom are cognate words in English. The children of the basileia are the children of the kingdom. But in the Jewish context of Jesus’ day (and in the prayer that he taught us to pray—may your basieleian come on Earth as it is in heaven) the idea of God’s kingdom is neither a purely political nor purely religious idea. It is the completion of a story, the story of God reigning on earth (enthroned in the temple in Jerusalem) instead of the Romans, instead of the false King Herod—putting to right all of the injustices since the Babylonian exile, and fulfilling the promises that he made. Israel’s god becoming king in this way is a vindication of all the suffering of the Jewish people at the hands of every pagan polytheist who ever oppressed them.

When Jesus tells us to pray “may your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven,” the idea is more like the true king coming to sit on the throne of Gondor (from Lord of the Rings) than of hoping for something good and vaguely religious to happen. This is a promised real-world political shift that will put right all the “What is the problem?” questions in Jesus’ worldview—the problem is establishing God’s basileia. Jesus goes to great pains in his parables to explain what this reign will be like—like a pearl, like a woman with ten coins, like a lost sheep, like ten virgins with lamps, like a treasure hidden in a field, like a mustard seed, like seed scattered on the ground. And Jesus’ story of about the being children of the basileia tells us where we are too—God is supposed to be king here in this land, and of these people, but something has gone wrong.

Against the children of the basilean are the children of evil, or possibly the children of the evil one. The one who sows them is the devil. Some religious traditions talk a lot about spiritual warfare, but in our church the only time that we consistently mention that name is at baptism, where we answer that, yes, we do reject the devil and his works. That bit of language feels like something we’ve outgrown, a childhood terror that we’ve realized we don’t need to take seriously—who is still scared of the cape and the horns and cloven feet?

But in Jesus’ worldview the devil is a real player, and his threat is credible. Jesus believes and consistently references a malignant dark power actively and intelligently working against God’s purposes of establishing God’s reign. In last weeks’ story, the parable of the four types of seeds, Jesus suggests that the devil actually murders some of those who hear the word. In today’s parable Jesus says that the devil has pulled off a trick—by planting a weed known as darnel, or the cockle, or tares. Lolium temulentum is difficult to distinguish from wheat until fully ripened. (Wheat will ripen into the golden-brown color we all know, darnel ripens black.) Darnel is mildly poisonous, causing symptoms of intoxication if ingested. “What is the problem?” in Jesus worldview? It’s hard to tell the difference between the children of the kingdom and the children of the devil. There is not only moral confusion, but outright sabotage. An English king in the 11th century (probably drawing from this parable) used this analogy of darnel among the wheat as an excuse to massacre Danish nationals living in Oxford and suspected of being foreign spies—indistinguishable from the other students but politically poisonous. (It was 1002, the St. Brice’s Day massacre, and the king was Aethelred the Unready—we may have improved dentistry and nutrition and infant mortality since the 11th century, but they were better at nicknaming politicians.)

Our worldview, the glasses through which we see our world, has passed through the deism of the Enlightenment. We are all familiar with the idea (whether we believe it or not) of God as a clockmaker who wound the universe up from far away, and who has set it up to run under the power of its own mechanism of mathematically accessible physical principles. If that worldview has little room for a devil, it has even less room for angels, except as decorations at Christmastime. Again, however, they feature prominently in Jesus’ worldview, not only as messengers, but as active participants in the climactic events that Jesus regards as imminent. “What time is it?” Jesus speaks repeatedly throughout the gospels of some climactic time being near, a harvest needing to be gathered, and he calls out direful warnings to pregnant women and nursing mothers. Jesus says it is the time for multiple heavenly forces to intervene supernaturally in human affairs to bring about God’s kingdom.

This worldview is apocalyptic—not in the sense that was popularized in bad Christian fiction by bending the book of Revelation into uncomfortable shapes, but in the sense that it presupposed an apokalypsis—a climactic revealing event--was at hand. Jesus was not the only first century Jew to read his times in this way. Judas of Galilee, Simon bar Kokhba, Simon of Peraea, and Athrongaius all claimed that they were anointed by God to bring about God’s basileia, to cleanse the temple and throw off the Romans, and they announced God’s vindication of his suffering faithful was imminent. We probably don’t talk enough about how different Jesus was from these other apocalyptic Messiahs—about his warnings that the fanaticism of the zealots of Pharisees would bring the full military force of Rome down on the Holy Land and the temple with catastrophic consequences. Jesus’ message of peace was different—but he was very much like these other messianic figures in that he believed his ministry was taking place at the crucial hour, and that he himself would have the central role in the drama that was to unfold

At that revealing—the great harvest, or judgement—or, separating of sheep and goats, or rendering of accounts as he calls it in other parables—Jesus says all skandala (causes to sin) will be removed and those practicing lawlessness (or, anomia) will be judged. The idea of lawlessness doesn’t mean to Jesus that there will be judgment on those from the wild west. This is language about those without torah—the torah being the Jewish law. Jesus is dipping into the language that the violent revolutionaries around him would have been using to call to arms against Herodians, against the Romans, against the pagans who don’t observe torah. Elsewhere is Jesus’ ministry we hear how it is the meek, the sick, the poor, and the unexpected outsiders who are actually keeping torah, but naming God’s judgment against those who don’t keep torah--this is unexpectedly divisive language from someone who in our tradition we take as our model of radical welcome.

Although it is, in the present moment, hard to tell the difference between the good wheat and the potentially poisonous counterfeit, all will be made clear when it is burned in fire—burned by a purifying fire. The children of the evil one are thrown in the fire. (Again, this is not the kind Jesus we would have made in our own image.) And finally, after all this startling sabotage and fire and violence, what is the telos, the end of Jesus’ worldview? What is the answer to the question, where are we going? That the children of the basileia will shine forth like the sun in their father’s kingdom.

This brown man, this man with earwax and fingernails and blisters…his worldview does not fit as a pat answer to the question “what is the best possible set of beliefs to have about the world?” Engaging with what Jesus actually thought about the world, completely apart from the question of whether there is a devil sowing darnel among us, or whether there is imminent hellfire—is a bit like our Old Testament reading from this morning. We are wrestling with a stranger in the dark. We can smell his breath and feel the strength of his body, and it’s uncomfortable for us. But it’s good for us. It’s real.

There is one question that we can give the answer “Jesus” to with assurance. How DOES God establish himself as king, reigning on earth as in heaven? The answer is this man that we see dimly, with difficulty, working out with prayer over centuries what exactly his story meant. When this man, convinced that a disastrous end is coming to his people, worked by a diabolical power, assisted by angels, against those that don’t keep torah, is faithful to the task God has called him to and to the renewed torah God has given him to preach….when he is obedient to death, then new creation starts, and not only the devil but death and Hell are beaten. May Jesus, our Lord and our God, but also our man, continue to reveal who he was and is to each of us. Amen.

Thursday, March 16, 2023

Quotable Kids

 "Hey, what's in this bag?"

"It's a bag of money for your fish banks, but don't touch it. It's just in a ziploc, and there are probably five pounds of coins in there, so if you take it out then they are going to spill everywhere."

"This is our to KEEP? We're rich!"

"No you aren't. That money is to put in your fish banks so that you can give it back at the church fundraiser."

"Well, we don't have to give away all of it, right? Can we keep most of it for buying LEGOS?"

"We're going to give away all of it."

"Owen isn't letting me have a turn holding the bag of treasure!"

"Stop grabbing it, Felix! Besides, we're only going to get to keep some of it!"

"You aren't going to get to keep any of it. And put it back in the grocery bag, please, or it's going to spill all over."

"But why did you get us a bag of this treasure if we couldn't keep most of it?"

"I didn't. But Ms. Christy from church thought it would be a good idea for you to have some coins to put in your fishbanks for needy kids."

"I need LEGOS..can some of the money be for me?"

"Owen stole the treasure back from me! My turn wasn't very long!"

"Neither of you should be touching it. Please put it back in the grocery bag."

"Hey, we're home! I'll bring it in the treasure and keep it in my room, Dad!"

<Ziploc bag, which he is holding upside down, bursts and scatters coins all over the garage as soon as he steps out of the van.>


........................

"Dad, can I write this letter in cursive?"

"You could, Felix, but I don't think that you know how to write in cursive."

"Right, but I don't want to write the letter in regular writing, because that isn't fancy enough. So I'll fix it into cursive once you write it for me in regular."

........................

"Dad, look, I made all of my numbers clockwise in my math!"

"Okay, Felix...does that mean that you are starting to make all of your numbers by starting at the top and going down, like we've talked about?"

"No, it means that I wrote them clockwise!"

"I'm not sure that you can make all of the numbers clockwise and still write them correctly."

"Well, I did!"

<Holds up a sheet of paper in which he has printed all of his math answers using only even-length horizontal and vertical strokes...just like the digits that appear on the digital clock in his room.>

...................

"Wait, so the Mandalorian never takes off his helmet? But what about when he needs to take naps? How does he suck his fingers?"

.....................

ME: "Boys, tonight is a special treat. Mom and I were going to have a date and eat a very fancy meal called Beef Wellington. You were going to have a frozen pizza and be sent to bed early, but then Mom got a stomach bug. I didn't want to waste this cut of really expensive beef, so I'm inviting YOU three to share this fancy meal with me. I put out candles like Mom and I usually have, and we are using real napkins and our best gold spoons, forks, and knives. I expect you to act like gentlemen, and we're going to have a fancy meal...beef wellington with a horseradish cream sauce, and blanched asparagus. Are you boys read to have a nice, grown-up meal?"

JAMES: "Hey, here's a challenge! Do you think I can blow out one of those candles using only my nose?"

Saturday, February 11, 2023

Quotable Kids

 James: "I'm thinking about a career in science. I might be an engineer. Or I might do something where I'm working with chemicals and using some chemistry."

Owen: "I think when I grow up I'll just play video games. Or, even better, I'll be a taste-tester! But I'll only try stuff that tastes good."


Me, wanting to know why the bracket to a heavy curtain rod was badly bent: "Boys, what happened here? Did someone hang on the curtain, or try to climb it or something? Is that why the fabric is pulling apart at the top? Was someone swinging on this?"

James: "I would never do that! But...Felix is my number one suck-spect."

Me: "Suck-spect?"

Owen: "Yeah, I bet he did it. He's my number one suck-spect as well."

Me: "Your number one suspect?"

James: "Exactly."


Owen, upon hearing the story of King Solomon and the baby.

"Wow, he WAS smart. I probably would have just done eeny-meenie-miney-moe."


Owen: "Did you know that yellow is my favorite color?"

Me: "I didn't know that. Since when has yellow been your favorite."

Owen: "It's because it has two of my favorite words. Yellow is 'YELL!!' plus 'OW!!'"


Felix: "Daddy, read this book I wrote!"

Me: "Felix, this is great! Look at all these words you spelled, and you drew pictures as well!"

Felix: "Yes, read it!"

Me: "So, let's see. FROGGY GOES TO SCHOOL. I see Froggy goes to school...and Froggy is learning. Oh, Froggy is learning is ABCs. <notes that Felix wrote the alphabet but left out the letter I.> And on this page...someone is a tattle-tale. And on this page...Froggy kicks?"

Felix: "Yeah, and I drew a picture of Froggy kicking him. 'Cause he is a tattle-tale."

Me: "And that's the end of the story?"

Felix: "Right."

Me: "So the story ends with Froggy beating up a snitch?"

Felix, as if explaining something very obvious: "Well, it's a dramatic story."

Saturday, January 28, 2023

Felicisms

 Felix is our artist. 

He leaves caches of scissors and crayons in every place that he inhabits (including his bed), and often disappears for an hour at a time to make some new project. 

He cuts an entire stack of napkins into 8ths to be placemats for stuffed animals.

He colors and cuts out clothing for his teddy bears. 

He draws a flag, tapes it onto a broken dowl, and then stands outside waving it. 

He cuts out and colors a crown for himself, then staples it onto a construction paper headband.

He meticulously copies the logo of each NFL team, then binds them together in a "book" made from a shipping box.

He raids the printer for more and more paper. He builds makeshift ladders to get at the stores of adult scissors, tape, and staplers that have been put out of his reach.

He'll be playing outside, and then is suddenly struck by the need to make houses out cereal boxes and runs back in.

He makes a poster for the Battle of the Bands. (The winning song, having just watched "Back to the Future," is "Johnny B. So Good")

He calls himself King Felix now. He has decided that he wants to be a King when he grows up. He says that he will allow me to be one of his guards.

He builds a throne for himself on top of the kitchen garbage can. The throne is approached by a series of steps made from stepstools and couch pillows. One must not tread on the steps to the throne with one's shoes on. Only King Felix is allowed to sit on the throne. 

He builds a racetrack for his matchbox cars using colored pencils lined up end-to-end through the living room. 

And all the while, more paper is spilled, more broken crayons are discarded, more bits of cut-up napkin are dropped haphazardly throughout the house.

It's a lot of work to clean up after an artist.

Saturday, December 31, 2022

2022 Reading

 January

The Family Romanov (Fleming)
Call for the Dead (LeCarre)
The River of Consciousness (Sacks)
The Case of the Vanishing Blonde (Bowden)
Timeline (Crichton)
My Brother Sam is Dead (Collier)
Animal (Taddeo)
All's Well That Ends Well (Shakespeare)
Old Cookery and Ancient Cuisine (Hazlitt)
Macbeth (Shakespeare)
Trajectory (Russo)
Othello (Shakespeare)
My Struggle, Book 1 (Knausgaard)
Love's Labor Lost (Shakespeare)
Whose Body? (Sayers)
Angela's Ashes (McCourt)
Jesus and John Wayne (Du Mez)
Odyssey Book 15 (Homer) in Greek
Catch-22 (Heller)
Hamlet (Shakespeare)
The Beautiful and the Damned (Fitzgerald)
The Definitive Biography of P.D.Q. Bach (Schikele)
The Narnian (Jacobs)
The Pleasures of Reading in an Age of Distraction (Jacobs)
Watership Down (Adams)
Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village (Cooper/Johnson)

February

Norse Mythology (Gaiman)
Can You Forgive Her? (Trollope)
Clouds of Witnesses (Sayers)
Empire of Pain (Keefe)
How to Raise a Reader (Russo/Paul)
Julius Caesar (Shakespeare)
Bridge to Terabithia (Paterson)
Skink-No Surrender (Hiaasen)
Good-Bye to All That (Graves)

March

Pride and Prejudice (Austen)
Asinaria (Plautus) in Latin
Peril (Woodward)
The Day of the Pelican (Paterson)
Animal Farm (Orwell)
Murder on the Orient Express (Christie)
Odyssey Book 16 (Homer) in Greek
Book of House Plants (Lee-Faust)
The Art of Shaving (Zaoui)
Unnatural Death (Sayers)
Johannes Brahms (Swafford)
The Inimitable Jeeves (Wodehouse)
When the Buddha was an Elephant (McGinnis)
All Our Happy Days are Stupid (Heti)
The Garden of Eden (Hemingway)
The Whore's Child (Russo)
The Lightning Thief (Riordan)
Death on the Nile (Christie)
The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club (Sayers)
Metamorphoses Book 6 (Ovid) in Latin
To Kill a Mockingbird (Lee)
Shakespeare (Bryson) 
Right Ho, Jeeves (Wodehouse)
The Power of Regret (Pink)
The Color of Magic (Pratchett)

April

Burnout (Nagoski)
The Same Stuff as Stars (Paterson)
Elsewhere (Russo)
Fried Green Tomatoes (Flagg)
Mating in Captivity (Perel)
Damned (Palahniuk)
The Importance of Being Earnest (Wilde)
Taste (Tucci)
Strong Poison (Sayers)
The Golden Couple (Hendricks/Pekkanen)
Deliverance (Dickey)
Bittersweet (Cain)
The Sea of Monsters (Riordan)
The Five Red Herrings (Sayers)
Very Good, Jeeves (Wodehouse)
A History of Men's Fashion (Storey)
Hamlet (Shakespeare)
From Warsaw with Love (Pomfret)
Love and Saffron (Fay)
Odyssey Book 17 (Homer) in Greek
Canterbury Tales (Chaucer)

May

Have His Carcase (Sayers)
French Lessons (Mayle)
Slaughterhouse Five (Vonnegut)
Across the River and Into the Trees (Hemingway)
Bonk (Roach)
Joy in the Morning (Wodehouse)
Worst Class Trip Ever (Barry)
Sticking it Out (Niemi)
The Night Manager (LeCarre)
A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
HMS Surprise (O'Brian)
Winner Takes Nothing (Hemingway)
Motherhood (Heti)
Murder Must Advertise (Sayers)
The Titan's Curse (Riordan)
The Man Who Was Thursday (Chesterton)
Mozart in the Jungle (Tindall)

June

Odyssey Book 18 (Homer) in Greek
The Gospels and Homer (MacDonald)
Home Improvement for the Busy and Broke (Salway)
Dear Mr. M. (Koch)
The Mauritius Command (O'Brian)
The Steal (Bowden)
Into the Deep (Ballard)
Breakfast of Champions (Vonnegut)
The Monuments Men (Witter/Edsel)
Farewell, Titanic (Pellegrino)
Pirate Latitudes (Crichton)
The Longest Race (Ayres)
Jaws (Benchley)
The Archaeology of New York State (Ritchie)
The Decameron (Boccacio)
Phedre (Racine) in French
The Letters of Abelard and Heloise (Abelard and Heloise)
The Merchant of Venice (Shakespeare)
Hero (Korda)
Battle of the Labyrinth (Riordan)
The Internet is Not What You Think It Is (Smith)
The Rise and Fall of Ancient Egypt (Wilkinson)
Sink the Bismarck! (Forester)
A Year of Biblical Womanhood (Held-Evans)
We Came, We Saw, We Left (Wheelan)
Secrets of the Great Pyramid (Briar/Houdin)
Radium Girls (Moore)
The Spy Who Came in From the Cold (LeCarre)
The Martian (Weir)
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (LeCarre)

July 

The Wisdom of the Myths (Ferry)
Lost Classics (Ondaatje)
The Writing of the Gods (Dolnick)
Mindfuck (Wylie)
Rationality (Pinker)
Ending Parkinson's Disease (Dorsey)
Odyssey Book 19 (Homer) in Greek
The Death and Life of the Great Lakes (Dave)
The Mismeasure of Man (Gould)
Turn Right at Machu Picchu (Adams)
The Cuckoo's Calling (Galbraith)
Nasty, Brutish, and Short (Hershovitz)
The Perfect Storm (Junger)
Loch (Zindel)
Digital Minimalism (Newport)
The Silkworm (Galbraith)
The Pastor's Bookshelf (Carty)
Our Man in Havana (Greene)
The Right Stuff (Wolfe)
Career of Evil (Galbraith)

August

Lethal White (Galbraith)
Apokalypsis in Latin
Troubled Blood (Galbraith)
The Art of Loading Brush (Berry)
Euthyphro (Plato) in Greek
The It Girl (Ware)
Odyssey Book 20 (Homer) in Greek
A Shropshire Lad (Housman)
A Cabernet of Plants (Mabey)
Pontoon (Keillor)
The Lake Wobegon Virus (Keillor)
Erebus (Palin)
North Korea Journal (Palin)
A Thousand Ships (Haynes)
The Maid (Prose)
The Storm (Buechner)
Breaking the Male Code (Garfield)
Odyssey Book 21 (Homer) in Greek
Charlie Wilson's War (Crile)

September

The Ink Black Heart (Galbraith)
Alexandria: City of the Western Mind (Vrettos)
Don Quixote (Cervantes) 
Cloud Cuckoo Land (Doerr)
After Doubt (Swoboda)
The Great Pearl Heist (Crosby)
Aeneid Book 7 (Virgil) in Latin
Sex on the Moon (Mezrich)
The Screwtape Letters (Lewis)
Don't Sleep, There are Snakes (Everett)
The Tempest (Shakespeare)
Nefertiti (Wells)
Beating Vegas (Mezrich)
Woolly (Mezrich)
Deep Work (Newport)
The Second Death of George Mallory (Messner)

October

Laughter in Ancient Rome (Beard)
To Save Everything, Click Here (Morozov)
Slouching Toward Bethlehem (Didion)
Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory (Ballmer)
The Good Nurse (Graeber)
Your Children Are Very Greatly in Danger (Murphy)
I, Claudius (Graves)
Odyssey Book 22 (Homer) in Greek
Ex Libris (Fadiman)
Cat's Cradle (Vonnegut)
Jayber Crow (Berry)
Endurance (Lansing)
Poirot Investigates (Christie)
All in a Don's Day (Beard)

November

The Escape Artist (Freedland)
After the Ivory Tower Falls (Bunch)
Odyssey Book 23 (Homer) in Greek
Book of Mythicality (Neal/McLaughlin)
How Should a Person Be? (Heti)
Sharpe's Tiger (Cornwell)
Sharpe's Triumph (Cornwell)
The Nine Tailors (Sayers)
Arms and the Man (Shaw)
The Corsican Caper (Mayle)
Candida (Shaw)
The Man of Destiny (Shaw)
Dinner with Edward (Vincent)
The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (Christie)
A Good Year (Mayle)
How to Inhabit Time (Smith)
Sharpe's Fortress (Cornwell)

December

Odyssey Book 24 (Homer) in Greek
The Sacred Journey (Buechner)
Serendipities (Eco)
Gaudy Night (Sayers)
The Winners (Backman)
Aeneid Book 8 (Virgil) in Latin
Lord Peter Views the Body (Sayers)
Heart of Darkness (Conrad)
Sharpe's Trafalgar (Cornwell)
The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
Busman's Honeymoon (Sayers)
The Scapegoat (du Maurier)
Lament for a Son (Wolterstorff)
Sharpe's Prey (Cornwell)
A Year in Provence (Mayle)
Shakespeare's The Phantom of Menace (Doescher)

Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Sideways Stories from Wayside Homeschool--James

 James was the tallest child at Wayside Homeschool. He had always been the tallest, because he had always been the oldest. He would have been glad to let Owen or Felix take a turn at being the tallest or the oldest, but every time that they got a little taller or a little older, James had become even taller and older still. He felt that it was an unfair advantage.

James was learning Logic in school this year, which is the art of critical thinking. His Father read him the Logic assignment. 

"My dog doesn't like cats, and no mouse likes cats. So my dog is a mouse. Represent this argument in logical notation."

James scratched his head. 

Father explained it to him. James scratched his head again.

Father tried to have James put the argument into a system of letters where each letter represented a proposition. A proposition was a single statement. Then Father would have him falsify each statement by writing a squiggle in front of it. Then Father would have him convert the statement by switching the orders of terms, and invert the statement switching the quality of the terms, and then find the contrapositive by converting and inverting at the same time.

James scratched his head.

"Come on, James," said Father "if you don't learn how to use logic then you'll never be able to communicate clearly."

James thought that maybe if he wanted to communicate ideas clearly that he should probably steer clear of logic. That was a conversion of Father's proposition.

"Let's review necessary and sufficient conditions," said Father, "and we'll see how much you remember. Is rain a necessary or a sufficient condition for clouds?"

"Well," explained James, "you have to have clouds in order to have rain. But you don't need to have rain if you have clouds."

"Right," said Father, "so what kind of condition is rain for clouds?"

James thought for a minute.

"Sounds like wet conditions to me."

Father scratched his head.

"In any 'if-then' statement where if you have P, then Q follows, what sort of a condition is P for Q?"

James scratched his head.

"A conditional condition?"

"Not a conditional condition."

James wrote down a squiggle in front of the proposition, "if p then q," and put brackets around it.

"I didn't mean that you should invert that proposition. What kind of a condition is P for Q in the proposition?"

James said it that P was an invalid condition for Q, since the proposition (which he had bracketed) was negated by the squiggly sign.

"No, no, no!" said Father.

James counted each "no" and wrote three more squiggly signs in front of the proposition. He looked at it for a moment.

"So it is not true that it's false that it's incorrect that the proposition that if it rains then there are clouds is untrue?"

Father rolled his eyes rudely, and Mother, who happened to be walking by, told him to mind his ps and qs. 

"Let's practice spotting a fallacy. If I tell you that you can have ice cream only if you do all of your logic homework perfectly, and you do your logic homework perfectly, but then I don't give you ice cream after it's completed, did I lie to you?"

James asked what kind of ice cream was being offered.

"I would not have lied to you," said Father, "because you would have substituted the conversion of the original proposition for the proposition I made."

James said he wouldn't have lied because he didn't want to do his logic homework anyway. 

Father didn't want to teach the logic homework either.

They had some ice cream.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Sideways Stories from Wayside Homeschool--Felix

 Felix was in Kindergarten. He had the biggest head out of anyone in his house, including his parents. This was important, because in addition to being in Kindergarten Felix was the Grownup Teacher. It was Mother and Father's job to teach Felix about the letters and numbers, and how to read them. It was Felix's job to teach the grownups about all of the things that they didn't know.

Before Felix had been born, it had James and Owen's job to teach Mother and Father about how a child's house ought to be run, but Felix thought they hadn't done a very good job. They had been too easy on Mother and Father, and he was constantly having to correct some of the bad habits that they had slipped into. 

For example, Mother and Father were very confused about what constituted edible food. Sometimes they would get all muddled up and try to feed the children things that were barely even food--things like fungus, or squash, or eggplant. It wasn't their fault. Mother and Father were both very tired all the time, and Felix knew that they probably had just forgotten about good and wholesome foods like waffles, nutella, and ice cream cones. Felix reminded them.

Mother and Father were also always getting confused about how they were supposed to help the children in school. Father would tell the children to read books for 20 minutes, but it wouldn't even be five minutes later that he would come into the library and get all upset because he found Owen and Felix reading Spiderman comic books. He didn't even seem to realize that he'd asked them to read, but would ramble on about nonsense like "homework" and "essays." Felix sometimes worried that Father was being too silly, especially when he used nonsense words like "adverb."

Felix also had to teach Mother and Father a great deal about chores. Sometimes Mother and Father would get confused about who was supposed to clean up the dinner table or put laundry away. They didn't remember that they were the only tall people in the family, so they were supposed to do these things. Instead, they would ask James or Owen or Felix to do them. Felix was polite and didn't criticize Father's bad memory in front of the other students, but just waited until Father forgot all about "chores and responsibilities" and just cleaned up the dinner table himself.

Felix also had to remind Father about bedtime every night. Father would often say, in the very middle of the day when no one was tired, that it was time for bed. It never actually WAS bedtime...it was always actually the middle of a football game or of a matchbox car race or of drumming time, but Father mixed up easily.

Once James read a book about people who got confused while climbing high mountains because there wasn't enough oxygen way high up in the skies. Felix thought that Father and Mother probably got confused from oxygen deprivation because they were too tall. But, on the other hand, no one else was tall enough to drive a car yet, so it was good that Father and Mother were still around. Still, neither of them drove the car very well. They were both so slow that they got passed by other cars all the time. If Felix was tall enough to drive the car, he would win every race to the grocery store.

Felix was a good teacher, and he often lay awake at night thinking of what he might teach Mother and Father the next day. Oftentimes he would call to Mother or Father in the middle of the night over and over again until one of them came into his room. He wanted to make sure that his students were both okay and not too scared, and it was good to check in on them.

Sometimes teaching Mother and Father was frustrating. They never seemed to remember that each of their boys would like a drink on the table (and they kept the cups too high up to reach), and they had a very hard time recognizing what the perfect football field looked like. (For example, both the library and kitchen table would make excellent football playing surfaces.) They got cranky when they went too many days in a row without a nap, and sometimes they would spend hours on silly nonsense games like "work" and "income tax."

Still, Felix kept patiently at his job. He made sure that he corrected bad habits. After all, you only get one chance to raise a parent.