The Quotable Three Year Old

"All of my friends want to go to my farm. It is a dachsund farm."

J: "James, why is there a pile of blankets in the middle of your bed"
James: "It is not a pile of blankets. It is a sculpture."

James: "We need one basket for George."
J: "You may use one basket only, and you need to keep it on the rug. These are not toys."
James: "We need another basket too."
J: "Just one basket."
James: <crying> But we also need a basket for Woof-Woof."
J: "Just one basket."
James: "We will get another basket on Friday. Oh, okay George. Hear that Mommy? We will get another basket on Friday."
J: "Probably not."
James: "Probably."

"My cereal is squishable."

Me: <hiding helicopter remote in my pocket and making helicopter move> "I haven't seen it, James."
James: "You need to give me that remote."
Me: "Can I use it?"
James: "It is not yours."

James: <points at me, just in from a run> "You need to go take a shower."
Me: <panting> "Why?"
James: "Because you are dirty."
Me: "Do I stink?"
James: "You are stink." <looks at J> "Daddy stinks."

<watching marble run> "Now the scrubbing. This part is my fravorite."