7:15 AM
Husband: Asleep, completely passed out after staying out till midnight watching the Bills game and consuming chicken wings and beer. Making noises/movements associated with upset stomach/mild hangover. Did not get up with alarm clock.
Toddler Son: Holding animated conversation in his bedroom with several stuffed animal friends.
Infant Son: Has just begun to whimper and cry in bassinet
To Husband: "I'm going to get the boys up. Are you feeling okay?"
Husband: "unnhh."
"I'd really like to take a shower this morning, and I can only do it while you're here. Can I leave Owen with you."
"I feel like I'm gonna die."
"You kind of look like it too. How many wings did you eat?"
"I only had two. I had two wings and two beers. Why do I feel this terrible?"
"There's something about that combination. How was the game?"
"It was awful. The Bills suck."
J gets up, gets Infant Son out of bassinet, changes diaper, brings Infant Son in to sleeping Husband.
"Okay, can I leave him with you? Roy? Roy? Are you awake?"
"What?"
"I need to take a shower. I'm going to get James up and leave Owen with you, okay?"
Opens door to Toddler's room.
Toddler Son "Hi, Mommy. We have some Cinnamon Cereal?"
"We're out of Cinnamon Cereal, honey. Let's change your diaper, okay?"
"No, no fanks."
Toddler Son makes his way downstairs, cannot be pursued because J is still holding Infant Son
"James, can we put some grippy slippers on your feet for going down the stairs?"
Toddler Son ignores her.
"Roy, are you awake?"
No answer
J nurses Infant Son downstairs. Husband is heard getting out of bed and getting into shower. Toddler Son makes his way back upstairs to collect armful of Friends. Toddler Son slips halfway down the stairs because he isn't wearing grippy slippers and falls down the rest of the stairs, getting bloody mouth in the process.
Toddler Son: "WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I'm coming Sweetie, what happened?"
Puts Infant Son down in living room, he just finished nursing and hasn't been burped
Toddler Son "I NEED MAH GINKYYY!!!!!"
Husband "What's going on? Did you fall down the stairs?"
"Honey, you're completely soaked! You're getting water all over the stairs."
Husband has come down the stairs half covered in a towel, not having dried off at all, dripping water everywhere.
Toddler Son "I NEED GEORGE AND STEEEBEN!!!"
"Come here sweetie, let's fix your mouth."
Toddler Son "I NEEED THEM!!!!"
J gets damp paper towel and cleans up Toddler Son while Infant Son fusses beside the couch. Husband comes downstairs in black suit with shirt untucked and belt unbuckled, puts on water for coffee, lies on living room floor in fetal position.
Toddler Son: "I need my friends."
"Okay, first we need to change your diaper."
Toddler Son, beginning to cry: "No, I no wanna diaper change. I need...I need to play iPad."
"We aren't going to play iPad, we need to change your diaper."
Infant Son: "waah...waah...waahh!!"
"Roy, can you get him?"
Husband: "Yeah, I've got him. Sheesh, I swear I only ate two wings. I feel awful."
Toddler Son: "Mommy, where the iPad be? George needs it."
Husband picks up Infant Son, lies back down on floor with Infant Son lying on his chest.
"Honey, he hasn't been burped yet, he's going to spit up all over your suit."
Husband: "Okay."
J changes diaper of Toddler Son, brings him back downstairs. Husband and Infant Son are both passed out on the floor.
Husband: "Do you want me to watch the kids so you can take a shower?"
"No, I think I'll just skip the shower this morning. Is this your water boiling."
Husband: "....yeah."
"Should I pour your coffee for you?"
Husband: "Yes. Thank you."
Toddler Son: "Now we do some iPad?"
Husband gets up and hands Infant Son to J. Infant Son immediately spits up all over J.
Husband: "Okay, I gotta go to my concert. See you tonight!"
No comments:
Post a Comment