A Trumpet Player's Lament

When a plumber needs to practice piping for some project
And says to his wife "I'm off to plumb" she gives him a kiss
And when a purple helicopter riding toaster needs to toast
He says "I'll toast for five minutes at most some rye and swiss"
And when a juggler jiggles or a pope pontificates or carpenter carps
Or a lawyer lies or a doctors docts or a doodler doodles
Or a chef goes into his kitchen to press out whole wheat spaghetti noodles
No one complains and no one makes any fuss about them working
But when I need to practice trumpet you'd think the world is ending
My family buries their heads in pillows to block out the sound
The neighbors call the police, endangered birds fall trumpeted dead to the ground
The white hot noise shakes plates and breaks all the wineglasses
Traffic gets backed up on all the highway overpasses
A thousand bassoons and violists gather outside my apartment porch
They carry pitchforks and fiberglass shields, each burning a rosin-lit torch
Frantic calls are exchanged as the stock exchange starts to drop
The UN security council resolves this endless racket must stop
"Enough," they all shout "or surely we all won't survive
Or if he must practice, please no more Mahler five!"

And yesterday evening, my family heard me play
A delightful concert of Beatles tunes, it chanced
And since they were seated about a football field away
They could enjoy the trumpet, from a healthy distance.