I. Recently Reading
Arnobius-The Seven Books of Arnobius Against the Heathen
You just can't publish books with titles like "Against the Heathen" anymore. Too bad, although I don't think Arnobius would have had much success in the modern world anyway. His arguments are all carefully directed against the paganism of the early fourth century. They hold some interest as cultural signposts of his time, and I came away from his text with the impression that he was a careful thinker and widely-read, but not particularly philosophical--his arguments are the sorts you might find in tractarian literature against the "evils of our time." The question was raised in the prefatory notes to his section whether he might not have been a Christian at all--just a sympathetic pagan who thought very little of the Greco-Roman religions. This would seem to agree with the noticeable absence of any positively argued Christian philosophy. Thus ends my tour through Volume VI of the Ante-Nicene Fathers. I need something else to put in my "religious reading" category when I get back home, and am thinking about exploring some Niebuhr? Post-20th century Christians need to be conversant with Niebuhr, right? I'm welcome to other suggestions.
Redwall, by Brian Jacques
Cluny the Scourge is coming! I had fun re-reading this for the first time in years. I don't remember the books being so violent when I read them as child, which hopefully means that some of it went right over my head. There are so many characters! Even in the third part of the novel, you're still meeting new characters who have time to develop, play a role in the story, and find a fitting place at the end. James isn't ready to hear these books read aloud yet, but I'll look forward to introducing him in the next few years.
Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
My only experience with Little Women was seeing the high school adaptation C&B were in. (I think this made me predisposed to like Professor Bhaer.) I didn't love the book--and I can't say that I'm in any hurry to read any of the sequels. The best part was the first third, and even if the girls were a little unrealistically distinct they were delightful characters. What happened to Laurie in the second and third books? He's up and down, but when he "grows up" it happens in about two chapters and he's completely unrecognizable? Charming parts, though, and it's understandably a classic.
II. Preachy Advice
We've had several pairs of friends get engaged in the last few months, and J and I are just weeks away from our 8th anniversary. This means we are one year closer to officially becoming one of Those Couples that dispenses unasked for advice upon all of our soon-to-be married friends. (And don't worry, recently engaged friends...when you get pregnant in a few years we'll be ready and willing to share unsolicited birth-horror stories as well.)
Seriously, it isn't ever our place to prescribe universal solutions based on our own limited experience. But the fragility of marital happiness has been on my mind quite a bit recently...it's hard to think of anything else in my life that can gloom up your whole life so entirely when it's going poorly or warm up and beautify everything else in your life when it's going well. It's a slippery venture to share with another human being a bank account, a kitchen sink, a child, a bed, a laundry machine, a bathroom, a calendar, and a mortgage. Here's what I know after 8 years...
1) Listening is an extremely underrated skill. Not only listening, but listening without immediately coming up answers/retorts. Not just listening to the other person's words, but having the creative capacity to put yourself truly in their place and imagine what's prompting what they are saying to you. Not merely hearing, but listening with active interest and questions in mind to further draw out and better understand what the other person has to say. In any argument, listening with a listening spirit instead of an argumentative spirit tends to immediately cool down the disagreement.
2) It's incredibly helpful to know how the other person perceives the world to be. This isn't important for the purposes of correcting or sorting out how the real world actually works--how many times the average couple actually gets out per month, how much the average pair of shoes costs, how many nights a week a young person in a new job stays and works late--but it's important because it gives you access to the lenses through which your spouse sees the world habitually. The real facts aren't nearly as important as the subtle impressions, because it's the subtle impressions that reinforce a sense of injustice, uneasiness, or displeasure.
3) Generosity begets generosity. If all of your marital interactions take the form of negotiations, bad compromises, and swaps, chances are your next disagreement will quickly fall into a negotiation. You'll stake out territory, use battle tactics, and set aside to yourself (whether you admit it or not) some standard by which you might "win" the dispute, or at least avoid losing it. If you consistently choose to act generously (or charitably or graciously, whatever you want to call it), even if you really lose out on something from time to time, chances are your spouse will be much more inclined to be generous towards you. Not only that, but acting generously gets easier with practice, and everyone feels better afterwards.
III. Style Points
I'm already thinking about winter in Western New York, and I've decided that our house needs more color throughout. I'm welcome to suggestions from any and all parties, but here are some ideas:
1) Scarves, hats, and mittens. There's no need for plain black gloves, except maybe when I'm on my way to a concert and wearing my tux. But even then, wouldn't it be more fun to have bright red gloves? Also, I wouldn't lose them as easily.
2) Area rugs. Because they'll make the floor pop and you won't be stepping barefoot onto cold hardwood
3) Food. This will be the year of purple cabbage, oranges, lemons, limes, and anything else that isn't plain brown or gray or off white.
4) Phone case. Julie has a pink one, I would take suggestions for something new as well.
5) Window ornaments. Christmas stickers, ceramic pots, plastic flowers, anything to get a little color.
6) Underwear. Tis' the season. Although, to be honest, 'tis always the season.
7) Coffee mugs. The privilege of winter is that you'll never enjoy a hot cup of coffee so much as when you come in from shoveling the driveway. Why not have it be in a fun mug?
8) Kid's artwork. We already have all the materials, we already have the blank walls. I think we need to devote a whole wall to his bright scribbles. (On the paper, of course, not the wall)
9) Blankets and sheets. Not something neon, of course, because you have to be able to get to sleep once you turn the lights out. But something fun.
10) Children. I probably can't wear bright orange to rehearsal, but James can look like a traffic cone all day long and no one will say boo. Plus, he already pretends to be a traffic cone.
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